Daniel Snyder Daydreams About Wounded Knee For Kneeling Redskins

Damian
Damian
Aug 8, 2018 · 1 min read
Image for post
Image for post

WASHINGTON — As the 2018 NFL Preseason looms large on the horizon, embattled Redskins owner Daniel Snyder experienced vivid dreams of his mighty braves nobly perishing at the hands of the 7th Cavalry. In his fantasy, the players hobbled forward and leaped onto rifle bayonets while patting their ululating mouths with open palms.

Considering himself a champion of race rights ever since he magnanimously didn’t have his players whipped for standing with locked arms during the national anthem, Snyder’s free minutes and hours have become increasingly preoccupied with visions of he and his team as racial caricatures of Native American struggle against U.S. government trademark infringement. Numerous wild-eyed interviews where he feverishly describes how a Blackfeet Nation leader named Blackie signed off on the team logo appear to reinforce his stalwart racial sensitivity.

As Snyder’s fantasy evolved on Thursday, the Redskins’ cheerleaders emerged from tipis and swarmed the battlefield to avenge what he calculated to be a completely racially sensitive martyrdom. “Get them, my beautiful squaws,” he murmured while gazing out a window and absentmindedly tracing a breast in the glass.

Originally published at perfectlyimperfectpeople.com on August 8, 2018.

perfectlyimperfectpeople

You will discover articles and stories here encompassing…

Damian

Written by

Damian

Satirist / Hamburger Wrangler / Sexual Maven

perfectlyimperfectpeople

You will discover articles and stories here encompassing the width and breadth of dark humor. We also review geeky novelty gifts for you to mail to yourself at great expense in order to feel loved. Take a look around. Relax your pants. Get loose.

Damian

Written by

Damian

Satirist / Hamburger Wrangler / Sexual Maven

perfectlyimperfectpeople

You will discover articles and stories here encompassing the width and breadth of dark humor. We also review geeky novelty gifts for you to mail to yourself at great expense in order to feel loved. Take a look around. Relax your pants. Get loose.

Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more

Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. Explore

If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. It’s easy and free to post your thinking on any topic. Write on Medium

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store