The Only New Years Resolution You Should Make This Year
The holiday season really is the most wonderful time of the year! The city is lit up, the weather has cooled down and your family traditions are in full swing. There is no other time quite like it!
As the year winds down often we begin to reflect on what I like to call our own personal “State of the Union”. Where are we in life, where do we want to go and how do we get there? If you are anything like me, the next step is to make this aggressive, unrealistic list of things to accomplish and habits to form for the New Year. Yes, I am talking about those iconic New Year’s resolutions!
Did you know that a recent study by the U.S. News & World Report found that 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by February? Usually, the reason for this is either that we underestimate the time that it takes for a habit to form (studies indicate it is roughly 66 days) and secondly that our list of substantial long-term changes requires too much effort from us to be sustainable; typically resulting in abandoning all of them.
So what is the solution to a successful resolution this year?
Only make one.
One that is worth keeping.
One that will change every aspect of your life.
The only New Year’s resolution we all should make this year:
NO MORE COMPLAINING.
Years ago as a college student back home for the Holidays, I opened the refrigerator door to grab a drink in my parent's kitchen. As I began to shut the door I glanced at an article that had been printed out and stuck on the outside of the fridge next to all the Christmas cards. My interest was peaked.
The article was titled “No More Complaining” and it was about a man who had made a conscious choice to fight his tendency to complain and in the process form a habit of counter-intuitive thinking: gratitude. This may sound simple but if you choose to join me on this life-changing resolution it will be one of the most difficult but most rewarding habits you could ever work to adopt. It will take work. It will take intention. It is a resolution that you will never quite be done with. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it!
It is so much easier when faced with something not ideal to whine and complain about it to a friend rather than buckle down and face the task. We are all guilty of it. You are. I am. We complain when things don’t go our way, when we don’t get that promotion we should have, when our car breaks down, when there is traffic, when our food isn’t served to us at the quality we believe we are owed and the list could go on! Just like anything, when you do something once it is dramatically easier to do it again.
Research shows that the average person complains once every minute during a typical conversation. How wild is that?! The problem with this is that complaining hard wires your brain to use this repeat behavior as its way of communication. Because your brain desires efficiency, when you repeat a behavior, your brain constructs a rut that becomes easier to travel on the more you do it. Simply put, once you start, it is very hard to stop!
Still not sold on the dangers of complaining and how tackling this habit is the most important thing you can do in 2020? Check out this research done by Stanford University on the very topic:
“Research from Stanford University has shown that complaining shrinks the hippocampus — an area of the brain that’s critical to problem solving and intelligent thought. Damage to the hippocampus is scary, especially when you consider that it’s one of the primary brain areas destroyed by Alzheimer’s. While it’s not an exaggeration to say that complaining leads to brain damage, it doesn’t stop there. When you complain, your body releases the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol shifts you into fight-or-flight mode, directing oxygen, blood and energy away from everything but the systems that are essential to immediate survival. One effect of cortisol, for example, is to raise your blood pressure and blood sugar so that you’ll be prepared to either escape or defend yourself. All the extra cortisol released by frequent complaining impairs your immune system and makes you more susceptible to high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease and obesity. It even makes the brain more vulnerable to strokes.”
-How Complaining Rewires Your Brain for Negativity
Travis Bradberry — The Entrepreneur
Complaining not only affects your mental state and your brain’s ability to behave positively, but it also affects your physical state in a very real and dangerous way! This behavior can become so ingrained in us that we may not even realize that we are doing it!
Have you heard the old adage “misery loves company”? Complainers are no different. They seek to find others who will join them in their wallowing and often attempt to drag down even the most positive of people in their path. This behavior is not just damaging to ourselves, but to everyone around us as well!
Practical Application
Now that we know complaining is a very real and serious problem, let’s shift our focus to building strategies to defeat it!
Red Light Green Light
Think of your thoughts as a mental assembly line where we are constructing our behavior. Each thought that flows through our minds has to be labeled. “Green light” those thoughts that are positive, productive, loving, encouraging and edifying. “Red light” those thoughts that are potentially destructive, negative, aren’t making things any better and can impact others poorly.
Imagine this assembly line is a conveyor belt where our thoughts are steadily moving towards purchase and ultimate inclusion in our behavior. Send the green light thoughts to check out but stop those red light thoughts in their tracks and return them immediately. They cost way too much!
Replace with Gratitude
Once you have labeled your thoughts as green and red, the job does not end there. Red light thoughts have to be replaced before they can be returned! This is where we have to shift our brain from the negative thought to one thing we are thankful for in that moment building a different pattern, one of gratitude.
I hate traffic! **RED LIGHT — REPLACE** I am blessed to have a working vehicle!
I have to work on the weekend! **RED LIGHT — REPLACE** I am blessed to have a job that allows me to provide for my family!
It is increasingly difficult to complain when you are thinking about how lucky you are. Side note, this isn’t just a cheesy exercise, it is backed by research as well!
“Taking time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the right thing to do; it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood and energy and substantially less anxiety due to lower cortisol levels.”
-How Complaining Rewires Your Brain for Negativity
Travis Bradberry — The Entrepreneur
Activate Solution Mode
If you don’t like your circumstances you can either change them or change your attitude about them. Complaining does neither! You’ve labeled your thoughts, replaced the red light thoughts with gratitude, now here is the next step.
Even though gratitude is part of the solution, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the problem is gone, but it has helped you shift your mindset to prepare to solve the problem. Now we have to make the habit of doing something about it. Begin by getting out a notepad (or opening your notes page in your phone) and start making a list of solutions to the issue. Start with a clear mission on what you would like to get accomplished and then work backward until you get to Step One of solving or at least improving the issue. Then take action!
Complaining is the most poisonous habit of all. It keeps us from enjoying what we have, while simultaneously convincing ourselves to focus on what we don’t. It robs us of our joy and makes us angry at those who have theirs.
2020 really can be a “new year, new you” and the solution lies in the one resolution that is worth going all-in for: NO MORE COMPLAINING!
Have a Happy New Year!
