Fitting In: Does It Matter?
This isn’t high school anymore. We don’t care what other people think about us anymore, right? I say, kinda.
I may be one of the rare exceptions to the rest of the western world when I say that I did not give a shit about what people thought of me in high school. I was so busy in sports, arts, academics, and work that I literally had no time to consider social norms and cliques… or maybe it wasn’t obvious because I was in so many social circles. Now, as a female founder and triathlete, I am discovering I am much more integrated in fewer social circles and experiencing the challenges of peer pressure and the desire to be liked outside of my core crew.
Well into adulthood (and closer to mid-life than I care to admit) I know who I am. My core ethos do not waiver and deviating from them is non-negotiable. But to a certain extent, we are always going to want to fit in. For me this is especially relevant when socializing. In this case, I’m talking about making nutrition choices when I’m at social functions. Whether it’s business, pleasure, or somewhere in between — going with the flow is important in some capacity.
Do I want to be the gluten-free, paleo, non-drinker that tends to be the butt of jokes from colleagues, or even people I just met? Actually, yes.
Yes I do want to be those things, sans the harsh humor. When I follow a strict diet that has been meticulously planned out by a nutritionist based on blood analysis and multiple real-world tests, I feel great. When I follow this I am functioning at my highest level; I feel sharp, focused and often find that I am twice as productive as I otherwise would be. However, it’s also important to go with the flow and not come across as standoffish. I pride myself on being agile in my professional life — adaptable to different situations, highly flexible, knowing when to stay the course and when to bail. Being a good planner and having reasonable parameters within which I can be flexible help me to achieve this in my business and to be highly successful. However, applying it to my personal life is trickier.
I thought I was over the whole peer pressure thing. On my own, I am Steadfast and confident in my healthy lifestyle choices and my desire to implement them.
And then I went on vacation. A group of thirty-something finance leaders and entrepreneurs, one of whom is a dear friend of mine, in a big ski house for a weekend of good times and fresh pow.
My friend nonchalantly informed me as we boarded our Utah-bound jet, that not drinking over the weekend would be out of the question with this “crew” (bear in mind that this was with best intentions and not a personal attack. I love you, friend that shall remain nameless). I caved. I let the non-drinking, paleo choices slip over the course of the weekend. I didn’t go crazy, I drank just enough to be social while still present and in control (but yes, to fit in). And I felt lousy at the end of the weekend. Dehydrated and a bit disappointed in myself.
So what did I learn from this trip? I’m still trying to figure that out. How does one be different and still find acceptance? Dietary choices such as gluten-free and paleo have a certain stigma attached to them. There is often a condescending response when these buzzwords are used, they are seen as fads that are not backed by science.
It doesn’t quite help that I am literally partaking in the science right now. Yet explaining to people that “I’ve undergone several blood tests to identify biological markers in order to optimize a nutrition and supplement plan designed to reduce chronic inflammation, mitigate a potential autoimmune disorder and enable me to perform at the highest level I possibly can” doesn’t help me to fit in. Not only is that a run-on sentence, it’s a very long-winded explanation as to why I’m not partaking in après ski. I don’t feel that it’s necessary to explain my choices to others, but I often do still feel the need to defend myself when someone guffaws at my choices.
After much reflection, I came to realize that I may not be in high school, but I certainly do care what people think. We humans are social creatures. We thrive when we feel connected to and accepted by others. Not only that, but in adulthood the vibe we put out in social settings can have a direct effect on our professional success. I also came to realize that I was probably putting way more thought into me not drinking over the course of this weekend than any of my peers were. After their initial reactions and jokes were out of the way, most people went about their business and pursued their own drinking agendas.
In the future, I am going to focus on a few key things:
- Be Present — Take the situation in stride. If someone challenges my nutrition choices, don’t stress about it. Just accept that my choices are different from theirs and they may simply be projecting their own insecurities onto me. Process the emotions that rise up within me and then move on. Stay in the moment, stay positive.
- Act as a Beacon — When you unapologetically do you, people notice. Some may have knocked me for not indulging enough, but I also got a fist bump and some kudos along the way. This is what really matters. If I can inspire someone else to do some self-reflection and make better lifestyle choices, we both win.
- Stay the Course — If I tell myself I am going to do something, do it. Whether it’s a pushy comment from a well-meaning friend or poor food options at a conference, there is only one person that makes my decisions. And, you guessed it, that would be me. The dietary choices I made during this snowboarding trip knocked my triathlon training off balance the following week, but I only had myself to blame.
This trip was another great learning experience. I am grateful for the challenges that I face and the information that I learn along the way. Constantly refining what works and what doesn’t work for me only improves my physical health and mental strength, and helps me to be as agile in my personal life as I am in business. It also helps build my confidence in owning my quirks. After all, why try to fit in with people who don’t know the real you?
