Stop Giving Feedback and Start Asking for It — Building a Feedback Culture

Every second of every day, we are processing immense amounts of information. The feedback from this information dictates everything we do, both consciously and subconsciously. The amount of breaths we take in a minute is dictated by feedback processed by our autonomic nervous system. The decisions we make at work or in social settings are governed by feedback from past experiences. We love feedback, we live for feedback, and we are alive because of feedback.

But what if we receive feedback we didn’t ask for?

Have you ever had someone comment on your form at the gym without asking? I have, and it pissed me off. However, if I had asked for this feedback, I would have been more than open to the advice. Has your boss or a friend ever asked you a variation of “can I give you some feedback?” Most likely, and you were probably instantly on the defensive.

One of the Perks’ team attended Goal Summit 2017 in San Francisco and was inspired by a talk by Dr. David Rock of the NeuroLeadership Institute. This organization has been spearheading research that dissects the way we give and receive feedback. The general consensus is, while we need feedback, we are giving and receiving it all wrong. We tend to focus on errors, things that are already in disarray and need fixing. When giving feedback with this pretense, the feedback provider tends to stand on a soapbox and lecture about what the feedback recipient is doing incorrectly and how they could be doing it better (the feedback provider’s way). Dr. Rock called this the “I told you so effect”. On the flip side, when we receive this “I told you so” type of feedback, we feel the need to defend ourselves and are not open to feedback, even if the feedback could be useful.

We need to stop giving feedback and start asking for it.

By asking for feedback we remove the threat, the anxiety is lifted and we can truly listen. Be a journalist. Just as a reporter needs to ask good questions to get a good story, you need to ask good questions to get quality feedback. What am I doing well? How can I do it better? What can I be doing differently? Be specific and receptive to the information you receive. The answers to these questions allow us to receive recognition for our strengths and another perspective on our potential weaknesses. You get the specific feedback you need, not the unsolicited advice you loathe. Asking for feedback also allows you to receive a lot of different opinions, allowing you to pick and choose what may be most relevant or work best for you.

Using agile methodology in the startup world, we apply this approach of asking for feedback with customers, employees, and investors. Do I stay the course? Do I pivot? Ask for feedback. In the athletic performance world we take the same approach. Asking coaches and peers for feedback in areas where we may feel like we are struggling. How is my form? Am I overtraining? Undertraining? Am I resting enough? Ask for feedback.

Now here’s the tricky part: you are responsible for making this happen. You have to take the plunge and build a feedback culture by asking other people for their opinion. If you have a problem that you want to solve, or are having difficulty identifying where you are excelling or struggling, start asking people!

Think of a hurdle you are currently facing at work. Next time you have the opportunity, explain this problem to a few different trusted peers and ask what they think you are doing correctly and what you could be doing differently. People will notice and follow suit. Pretty soon you will be receiving and giving quality feedback on a consistent basis. If you take the initiative and start asking for advice, you will notice a boost in performance and will not be disappointed.