Let’s Talk About Gender
Sex and gender are often mistaken for one another and put it the same category, when in actuality they have completely different meanings. There are two options of sex: male or female, that are assigned before birth. Gender, however, is constructed by society, does not have to fall into a male or female category, and does not always associate itself with anatomy. The fluctuating concepts of gender and sex can have a significant effect on self-identity. However, the sex a person is born with, does not always determine their gender or self-identification.
When I was a kid, a common question I had was: When did people start assigning gender to everything? Pink and blue, dresses and pants, long hair and short hair, even perfume scents vs. cologne scents; why does society feel the need to dictate how people appear based on their sex? During the age of Franklin Roosevelt, young children, including boys, wore dresses and long hair up until age six, as it was seen as gender neutral. It just went downhill from there, as the parents of baby boomers started dressing their kids based on social cues and what others deemed acceptable for a particular sex. Girls in particular were restricted with their dress to appear feminine and nurturing, without wiggle room to be active and follow a career path in the future. Warped gender roles forced on them by authority figures enticed them into subservience, and as they grew into young women, ambition was to be abandoned in exchange for motherhood.
Today, I have the sole authority over my dress practices and how I present myself to the world; however, it was not always like that. I was schooled in a very gendered environment. Femininity and masculinity were to be strictly differentiated between girls and boys. There were a lot of things I was told to do and be as a child that I questioned in frustration. Whether it be the expectations placed on women regarding our interests and ambitions, or even the anticipated ways in how we are supposed to behave in public that aren’t placed on men. There are crucial differences between the feedback young girls and boys receive from exuding leadership qualities. Boys are rewarded for taking charge of a group, while girls are labeled as “bossy,” “bitchy,” or once they reach the age of surfing the crimson wave, “on her period.” This has historically discouraged developing girls from speaking up in class, pursuing leadership positions if they don’t believe they are 100% qualified, and asking for raises or promotions in their future careers.
In the earlier years of my life, the only roles I ever saw women in were housewives, bringing their husband another beer as he screamed at the sport he was watching on television. Thinking back to the television shows we were allowed to watch, I Love Lucy and The Dick Van Dyke Show, both with characters in stereotypical gender roles, I realized I never saw an example of the woman I always aspired to be. One who rebelliously chose her dream career and world traveling over the white picket fence and relentlessly pushing babies out of my snowflake.
As I grew older, other things plagued my malleable mind that I never understood. Why am I always being told to sit, eat, and talk “like a lady”, whilst the boys around me could spread eagle, belch, and swear and no one would comment? The authoritarians in my life gave me strict limitations on what I was allowed to wear and how I was supposed to behave, and at the time I had never even considered that it might be because of my sex, a concept I did not understand. My young, impressionable mind did not have the capacity to reject socially structured concepts and in turn, I thought I had to grow up and essentially be the servant to my husband and children, decked out in a flowy dress and apron, always looking sensible and “ladylike” to the public. Because of this notion that I did not feel fit my personality and aspirations, I felt bitter and trapped. The oppressive rules of my high school restricted tattoos, piercings, dyed hair, or excessive makeup. This community largely shaped my dress practices, but I never stopped wanting to rebel against them to express who I really was.
My life is extremely different than it was when I was growing up. My mother frequently works sixty-five hours a week and my father works three jobs, to ensure my siblings and I conquer education and pursue our dream careers. I would not even consider myself the same person I was two short years ago, for the better. Society’s incessant reminders of a “woman’s purpose” and that we can never be truly fulfilled without a husband and kids used to weigh on my self-esteem relentlessly. It was not until I was old enough to think for myself and register different ideas than the ones presented to me that I realized nothing should restrict anyone from being who they are, dressing how they please, and following their own path. I have grown and changed and developed my own views on society and the world, and I believe I am a better human being for it. I can see my value extending beyond society’s warped ideas that a woman’s worth is in her appearance, and marital/maternal status. Despite the obvious direction given by archaic societal norms and old fashioned family members, in ten years I picture myself as the CEO and designer of my own company, power-walking through the office in a Hillary-Clinton-esc suit and snapping at the interns for bringing me the wrong coffee.
The sex you were born with does not automatically determine your gender, your personality, your likes and dislikes, or the way you should dress. The way a person is raised has a huge effect on how they view the differences between sex and gender. I hope I live to see the day where the fluidity and diversity of gender is universally celebrated, and the sex assigned to people at birth doesn’t place them in gross generalizations or entail restrictions to any degree.
