OP-ED: The Evil Behind Dating Apps
Where Did the Genuine Human Interactions Go?
Dating App developers are loving it. These innovators are constantly creating new ways that focus on networking individuals for romance, friendships, and business. Ultimately, they aim to expedite and facilitate the process of finding a cosmopolitan connection. However, as humans, app developers fail to address a key issue: people do not behave based on a computer algorithm. Humans are sticky, messy, and irrational beings that base their actions on a reason that is subjective and emotional. Therefore, the creators behind these apps cannot take responsibility for the specific safeties at stake when meeting someone new as each match is unique, and each occurrence is unpredictable.
They’ve tried though to portray dating apps as a safe platform to meet new people: Bumble’s tried to address the issue of consent by only allowing women to initiate conversation after a match has been made. In addition, Coffee-Meets-Bagel has marketed itself as an app that portrays one’s entire personality, rather than a split-second judgment of physical appearance.
That is not to say that love or new relationships cannot spring from these dating apps. Indeed, they can. Nor am I saying that talking to strangers should be banned entirely. That is not the point. For some, there are individuals who get married a few months after their first Bumble date. In addition, many Tinder users utilize the app while traveling, asking their matches to tour them around a new city or learn a new language. Moreover, these apps are convenient, efficient, and allow for people to use their cave-man gut instinct to filter out who is “the one for them” and “one of them”.
Yet I ask the question of whether finding love, physical intimacy, or even new acquaintances is worth the cost of trivializing the beauty and profundity of genuine human connection. In other words, why are we, the users, allowing these app developers to control our relationship with ourselves and others? Now the conversation shifts from mere convenience to laziness and lack of self-love.
Let me explain.
These apps endorse the idea that we need to depend on and find someone online to fill and satisfy ourselves. The fundamental reason why people are on these apps is that, as humans, we want to connect with others. Underneath these shallow swipes and super likes, our hearts desire acceptance: we are expecting someone or something to fill or replenish our desire to feel deserved and loved. To continue this habit and say “it’s just a dating app — what’s the harm” would be ignorant. Once one understands this logic behind these apps, it’s petrifying. These app developers are making shares off of human vulnerability, the pure desire to meet someone new, and inexplicable human desires to connect and seek out love.
If we know how special we are, why are we relying on these app developers to make favorable algorithms that fail to produce fruits of true happiness anyways?
Dating apps are like going down Mad Hatter’s deep dark hole, but this escape pad comes at a price: losing one’s grasp of self-worth. These marketers are putting a price tag on how much you deem yourself. This is how it goes: after making an account, the user will swipe profusely. With no luck, the user will be upset, questioning one’s own identity and self-worth. Therefore, most likely the user will buy or upgrade packages that allow them to appear more times in the algorithm in order to receive more matches. After a match has been made, the two individuals will meet. After a great time, they will say goodbye or keep in contact. If the former, the individual will then return to the app to re-fill that void that has been left. This cycle of self-deprecation repeats and repeats. So, why are we blindly handing over our priceless self-worth to these app developers?
Well, it’s addicting. Who doesn’t want to feel accepted? This goes out to particularly the female readers: do not let anything else define you, but yourself. In this age where we are free to speak out and are heard, we should not allow for our identities to be dependent upon another individual or app. We are strong. We walk with our heads high because we love ourselves and continue to improve ourselves because we know our self-worth.
For those who do not agree with my logic, this piece is not a persuasive piece — it’s my editorial. There is no doubt that these dating apps are convenient. One swipe after a long day may end up as the love of your life. However, like anything else, the outcome depends on how we use it and who uses it. The actual harm is not during the usage of the app or the app itself, but what comes after the fleeting satisfaction one receives after the shallow rendezvous. As my favorite post-breakup song artist Great Good Fine OK says, “So don’t let someone find you until you find yourself”.
