How I Lost My Mind And How To Make Sure It Doesn’t Happen Again
Working for 10 hours a day while never feeling like you’re getting anywhere or getting anything sure feels terrible.
After 3 weeks of training the next step was to wait for my life insurance license to come in so I could start selling life insurance. During those 3 weeks, I was working for 10 hours a day with breaks so I can digest the information as fast as possible. And it worked. I learned what I needed to learn.
Survival
On the first week of waiting, I got a message saying my life insurance license would be delayed and they were not allowed to tell me when it would arrive. Weeks passed by where I was technically unemployed.
1 week
2 weeks
3 weeks
4 weeks
The 1st week
I wasn’t making any money, so I felt like I didn’t “deserve” a break. I felt I still needed to put 10 hours of work into practicing the presentation, the rebuttals, random pieces of information, and so on.
I had to prepare for the actual job right? This is smart! Right?
My personality slowly started to lose shape. I became more and more dull as time passed. By week two I was going through so much internal agony.
Working so hard, for something that seemed so pointless.
But what else was I supposed to do? I didn’t want to be seen as lazy.
On the inside
I had so many thoughts rushing through my head. I believed I was a failure because I was making no money regardless of it was my fault or not. I felt unproductive and lazy because I wasn’t working with the same motivation I once had during training. I felt ashamed as I watched every other team member who joined at the same time making sales when I wasn’t. All of these thoughts were sapping my energy and I was left anxious, fearful, distracted and closed off.
I had to work so I can one day make money.
I don’t deserve a break when I haven’t even received a penny
On the outside
I spent way more time watching random content on YouTube that I didn’t really enjoy just to maybe distract me for a few seconds. I would have my work open for a very long time, but the question as to whether I was being productive or not was always very questionable. Besides going to the gym every morning I wasn’t going outside. I was…
Burned out
My solution
I felt I always had to be in “work mode”. Which is the very thing that burned me out. I told myself I was working from 8 AM to 10 PM when I was just half-assing it. Now, I calculate how long a task would take. As an example, let’s say doing research. Instead of “doing research” from 8 AM to 10 PM, I will dedicate a certain amount of time to doing research. Let’s say I give myself 4 hours. During those 4 hours, I will do the task, then when the hours pass I MUST find something else to do. For me, that was mostly writing. The work mode must end.
My realization
I realized it wasn’t doing the task that burned me out. Doing the task for a long period of time would just make me physically tired, which is much more obvious to catch. The thing that would burn me out is being in something I call…
Work mode
This means I am thinking about the task and I have it actively opened. When I do that for too long, I burn out.
Question for readers
I used to not believe in burnout until it happened to me, which makes me believe it’s different from person to person. Have you ever experienced burnout and if so what’s it like for you?
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