Being An Extrovert With Social Anxiety
Introverts have it lucky, they don’t even want to talk to the whole world
Elementary school
At this time of my life, I was pretty outgoing, while also keeping my sense of self. Despite wanting to be friends with everyone, I was also quite individualistic and I didn’t submit to peer pressure often. Having a religious background while everyone else around does not tends to get you used to the feeling of being different. I transferred schools 3 separate times but I always landed on my feet when it came to making friends.
High school
At this period, I transferred to a high school that had nobody I knew. Normally that would be fine, right? I’ll just make new friends like I’ve always done. Except this time, it felt different.
There was WAY MORE GOING ON
I’d like to also mention that the elementary schools I went to were somewhat small. There were less than 500 kids in all eight grades while my grade only had around 40 kids, which were split up into two classes.
Although in the high school, I transferred to. There were over 1000 kids. Holy crap.
How social anxiety felt in my first year of high school
This was the first time in my life I was this socially anxious. The form of social anxiety I felt may have been a bit different than how most people experience it.
I felt like I just drank 10 coffees and I wanted to tell everyone how to get the cure for cancer while there was a gun to my head that would fire if I mispoke
Basically, social anxiety for me was a combination of intense stress, energy, and fear. For the people who introduced themself to me, I was a riot. I had lots of funny jokes to say, lots of excitement to share, and nobody else to share it with. I pretty much lived by the rule,
Only speak when spoken to
I would never say the first word to anyone else because I had so much fear. There would literally be a handful of times I was too scared to sit in the cafeteria that I would opt to eat in the bathroom. I didn’t want to approach a table but I also didn’t want anyone to see me sitting alone, feel bad for me, and pity me. I was so damn scared. And for what? I was a quirky likable kid in elementary. Perhaps I was scared people would perceive me as weird and reject me.
How social anxiety felt in my second year of high school
I couldn’t take the fear anymore. I decided to find the school where most of my old friends went to, reconnect with them during summer vacation, and transfer. I didn’t explain everything that was going on with my parents, but since the new school I was transferring to was within walking distance, they were much more incentivized to accept my transfer request.
I transferred schools and I made a fair bit of friends. This gave me the confidence to make more friends. This snowballed into a scenario where I was pretty well-liked in high school. Although I didn’t conquer my fear, I just simply ran away from it. This fear came up again but in different areas.
I was afraid of extracurriculars.
Yes, it’s true I had more friends thanks to my old friends introducing me to their friends. But if they hadn’t introduced me I still would have been scared, just like I was scared to do any extracurriculars. I had the same problem as last year. I would have to meet new people. This fear would be met if I tried out for the football, team basketball team, or even the chess club. I would have that feeling again.
I felt like I just drank 10 coffees and I wanted to tell everyone how to get the cure for cancer while there was a gun to my head that would fire if I mispoke
I wanted to do these things but I was too scared. I was scared of what my friends would think of me, scared of being rejected, and scared of being seen as weird. So I missed out.
How I reduced my social anxiety during the summer of my second year
I decided enough was enough. If I wanted to enjoy high school, I needed to face my fear. I began taking baby steps to fix my social anxiety. I pretty much did all of the things you’d find in a YouTube video. Wave at people you pass talk to a new person at every party, all of that stuff. Eventually, it worked! By the time the third year arrived. I was cured!
The catch
I felt I was finally free, and I was, but something terrible happened that ruined any chance I’d ever have of enjoying high school. Covid.
Just as I was getting to know new people, covid struck and everything went online. Half of my third year and my entire fourth year were ruined. I lost my opportunity because it took me too long to get over my fear. At first, I thought it was awesome that I could just play video games after I finished my work, but I slowly began to realize how many opportunities COVID ruined for me. I never really got the chance to completely conquer my fear through doing the extracurriculars I wanted to do.
Covid was also happening during my first year of college, so I didn’t get a chance to really have a college experience either. The social anxiety was heavily reduced, but it felt as if it was too late. If I could, I’d keep my social anxiety in exchange for COVID to have never affected my life. This way, I would have at least had another chance to bat.
I felt like I just drank 10 coffees and I wanted to tell everyone how to get the cure for cancer while there was a gun to my head that would fire if I mispoke
The lesson
The article started with me describing how social anxiety works for an extrovert like myself, then I talked about how I reduced my social anxiety, and finally, I ended by explaining how the last few years of high school were ruined. So what should be your main takeaway?
The main takeaway should be to read my article on why you need to say yes more. If I had said yes to more opportunities, I could have had a chance of enjoying high school. Although I don’t regret everything that happened because it was a great learning experience, I do also understand that having more extracurriculars would have made high school better. Here is the article
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