Op-Ed
Published in

Op-Ed

Patterns of Thought

I quit smoking, again.

Photo by Adrien Converse on Unsplash

The desire to do so is completely gone. No Delta 8 either; I’m still honestly not even sure what that shit is other than tar that I was sucking into my lungs so I wouldn’t feel anymore. Because I’ve quit before, I know this feeling. I no longer have the urge to go buy a pack or a vape. It took a while to get here again. How did I do it? Well, I’m not exactly sure when this process started, I just know I haven’t smoked at all this week. I did nothing to initiate this process as far as I’m aware. No goals were set to slowly ween myself off of them. I didn’t tell a bunch of people so that I was held accountable. I just gently nudged at my subconscious to help me understand why I was doing it in the first place. That’s what I’ve figured out. I can feel again. I move through moods instead of staying in one very dull state.

One of the main factors contributing to my success is that I accepted the idiosyncrasies of other people around me. I started to see everyone as children in adult bodies. I became a mother in my own mind, even to my own mother (the sweetest child of all). My grandpa, for example, is not selfish and arrogant, he’s in pain and confused about why he can no longer put sentences together. He isn’t self aware enough to recognize this to be the truth, but I know it is because I am Divinely guided. When we take on the mind of the Observer, we no longer take offense when people act out of impulse. In fact, we almost expect it and we become gentle. By allowing others to be as they are, the stress of disliking their behavior goes away. We no longer feel responsible for changing things, we accept them and love them regardless of their faults. By doing this, I was able to accept the things that would normally make me feel like I needed a smoke.

It cant be that simple can it? The answer is yes, but in writing this I never intended to be giving advise to others, just making an observation that may be relateable. Its a pattern of thought that leads us to act on our bad habits. I still have others. I still feel like I need coffee in the morning because I love the taste. I still check my phone incessantly to make sure I don’t miss out on a moment when someone else wants my attention. But I’m also adding in wonderful habits like learning to read music and writing out affirmations daily. I still meditate twice a day and I think that mindfulness has also created space for me to find joy in life without inhaling toxic fumes into my lungs. I treat my body like a temple. I cleaned my space and reorganized. I created a new mental landscape and reminded myself I no am longer that person that smokes. Its all mental; our bad habits are programmed.

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