There is a part of me that gets satisfaction out of disruption.
The Daily Meditation today was pretty rude. “Think of something you did that you regret”. Happy Friday Sam Harris! Thanks for the shitty reminder of my inadequacy.
Then suddenly, an epiphany! These are more thoughts on top of the thoughts that I had whilst thinking of the things I regret. I was judging the meditation. I was having additional thoughts that were of a similar mood to the memories I was evoking. Not an ideal way to start a Friday morning or as some might claim “the entire weekend”. The thing is… we have to get used to those times when things don’t go the way we would like. Even though they really happened, those memories have no control over my life and they do not define me. In fact, I can kind of start to giggle about those instances now, even though at the time I felt like my entire world was shattering around me. The point of the meditation was to get out of the thought pattern by realizing those memories are just more thoughts.
You know who are some of the funniest people in the world? People that work with dead or dying things. I’ve been in the presence of many people that work with dead things (as is the life of someone that pursues a degree in biology)-most of them, funny af. Having a relationship with Death means being more aware of the fact that it could happen at any time. When we lose touch with Death, we begin to forget about it. Its like a long lost friend; one day you went to the playground and never went back. (I once wrote a Poem about this from the perspective of Death.)
It isn’t comfortable to visit with the bad places in our mind but its so necessary. Not just Death, we tend not to want to visit anything that makes us feel uncomfortable. And yet there is something in me enjoys this kind of disruption. Quick change is thrilling. Dismantling everything and beginning fresh is much more interesting than fixing whats broken in an old system. I am not the only one that feels this way. Slow and steady progress continues down a trajectory and disruption set us off on a completely new adventure.
Originally written in Collective Journaling at The Stoa