Skeletons in More Than One Closet
Is ‘coming out’ even a thing anymore?
One of my best friends in high school dressed like a dude for an entire year before ultimately telling me out of the blue “I just wanted to tell you I’m gay”. Of course I knew that already, but by telling me she was gay, she was also saying: “I’m going to fully express myself now”. A line of demarcation was drawn in time saying, “Before this day, a part of me was hidden. After today, more light has been shed on this suppressed part of me”. Its interesting that sexuality has become such a topic of discussion, isn’t it? By definition, people who announce they are gay are revealing their sexual preference. The more we repress it from our lives, the more it will seem to try to reveal itself. This rule extends to all of our sexual preferences… and all our raw emotions.
Personally, I don’t think the announcement part of ‘coming out’ is actually necessary, it is just a means of transformation. Our animalistic sexual side isn’t domesticated enough to embody in polite company, so we poke and prod at it with rules until it reemerges as another repressed emotion: rage. I see the duality of two archetypes; yin and yang, in fact. They are the shunned experiences: sexuality and anger, lust and rage. The point of the announcement is not to give new information, its to explain a pattern of behavior or an outfit choice. This is one of the most glorified closets you can break free from, the sexual repression closet. Its literally just a mental block though.
I wonder about the other closets we break free from, less publicly. Mine has been, and really still is a philosophical one. I am slowly peeling back layers to this most authentic self. A similarly big moment for me was telling my family I was studying to be an Astrologer. They didn’t think I was having another mental breakdown like I feared. People never called me a devil worshipper or a witch like my inner demons told me they would. I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. My entire mind became consumed and I began to understand the world better through this lens. But by making it official, I was able to express how passionate I felt about it.
Written in Collective Journaling at The Stoa