The Road Less Traveled

Though a shade darker than your graduation speech

I used to be more successful.

I’m not saying I was opulent; I’m not a character created for dramatic effect. I’m not the Billion-Dollar-Wall-Street-Trader-to-regular-Average-Joe conversion story. I only mean that I had more of a buffer for myself—a larger comfort zone I suppose.

But one day I decided this was not how I was meant to live; I had to be striving for something bigger than myself and that was the crux of affecting change on a larger scale.

I decided I wanted to participate in humanity.

In college I fundraised and founded a publishing company for the sole purpose of putting together a magazine for my “intellectual and cultured” student peers.

At the time, the (only) other popular publication there was a frat-minded, boozy sex journal that I remember thinking was the absolute opposite of quality. No food for thought, printed on shoddy paper with saddle-stitching—two staples down the middle and that was it. No craftsmanship, full of advertisements, and essentially useless for students.

So I assembled a staff, put together “worthy” content that would live up to its namesake, and went ahead and published a piece of art. It was perfect bound (glued-binding like a book), 96 pages, and overflowing with content and substance like restaurant reviews (this was before Yelp), art gallery highlights, and concert features.

The first release had a circulation of 20,000, and lasted long enough to put together an impressive archive of one.

That’s right, just one issue.

Apparently my business acumen and foresight had enough vision for only one issue, unsustainable for an actual business model.

Yet upon reflection I realize I accomplished quite a lot from a production perspective. When I think on how “easy” it was for me to get things done then, I've found the reason was my drive and willingness to do whatever it took getting my magazine published.

So what’s wrong there? Nothing, in of itself. But I wasn't a good manager either. I was abrasive. I couldn't hold down any meaningful relationships. I often mistook the deliverer of bad news as opponents standing in the way rather than teammates conveying the status of reaching our common goal. I could only understand other people’s perspectives through my prefrontal cortex, as data points on a line that will factor into what the right next decision was, not empathizing with how someone might feel giving their all only to not reach their goal, or even with understanding my own feelings about these events and obstacles.

There was no time for that.

A few years and some failed relationships later, I’m putting into practice empathizing and understanding the humanizing part of all of us.

It certainly hurts more than before, and am more prone to being manipulated emotionally, something that never was a problem before because I literally did not care less what anyone else thought. It surprises me; I didn't realize there could be drawbacks from wanting to be more human.

But now I've been in business for almost two and a half years now, creating work of value for and with others. The work is more meaningful too, because after it’s all said and done, I’m having more fun now pulling as a team to reach a common goal together, rather than dictating and pushing people to get me where I have decided I’m going.

I am much richer now.