A change of pace
Here’s what happened
On the 10th of April 2009 at around 8am I woke up with muscle soreness in my right quadricep. It was strange because I was a fit 19-year-old and I hadn’t done any exercise to warrant such tenderness in just one leg. At 10am I asked my boyfriend, Scott to rub my neck and shoulders. I was experiencing stabbing pains between my shoulder blades. The pain was enough to be annoying but not enough to worry.
It was Good Friday in my home town, a small beachy place on the East coast of Australia and on public holiday’s nothing is open so we got ready to go to the beach and made our way to the car. On opening the car door the pain worsened and my arms went numb and tingly. I lost all control of my upper body and fell to the ground. Scott put me in the car and drove me to the hospital. I rolled around on the emergency room floor for what seemed like an eternity. By the time I got to see a doctor the numbness in my arms had settled slightly. The doctor told me I was presenting with symptoms of an injured nerve or a slipped disc in my back. They gave me some drugs and sent me home. Everything after that gets a little blurry but I do remember my mum showering me that night and not being able to tell if the water was hot or cold.
The drugs were still working their magic the next morning so I wasn’t alarmed when I tried to get out of bed to go to the bathroom and nothing happened. I yelled to mum for help. Mum rang the ambulance. The paramedics did a few examinations and quickly realised I was paralysed from the neck down. They took me back to the hospital. It was now Easter Saturday and there was no MRI machine available. I had a CT scan and was put on a plane and flown to another hospital. From that point onward I was in and out of consciousness. By midnight I was admitted to a ward.
Shock
The following morning I woke to the news that I had had a stroke. It took some time to determine that it was a clot and not a bleed but once determined I was started on blood thinners. Shortly after, my left eye dropped slightly. I had a spinal cord infarction (a blood clot in my spinal cord) and when started on blood thinners a piece broke off and continued to my brain. The clot in my spinal cord hardened an artery and though difficult to determine it appeared to have started at T4/T5 level and finished at high C’s.
A doctor came in one morning to discuss the situation. The details of the conversation are fuzzy but I do remember being told very delicately that walking may be difficult for me now but I should work with the physiotherapist and occupational therapist and “wait and see what happens”.
What I have learnt since then is that when it comes to damage to a spinal cord, no one really knows anything until the cord itself figures out what’s what. The amount of time before you know what your body will be left with is also undeterminable as it can be totally different for every injury.
After weeks in the hospital, the inflammation around my spinal cord had started to subside and I had naturally regained some use of my body. I could move my arms and the fingers on my right hand. My right leg seemed to have lost strength but was working in all the typical ways. Mentally at this point, I was in shock, which is a great place to be because you do everything you’re told to do and don’t really feel a thing. I knew I had a job to do so I did it. I learned to use my body.
With the help of my mum, Scott, physiotherapists, occupational therapists and my recovering spinal cord I was able to begin cutting very slow laps of the ward with the aid of a walker. Initially, I lost the use of my bowel and bladder but they were now working somewhat on their own and I had adapted as well as I possibly could to the neurological pain that seemed to be all over my body.
I spent another few weeks in a rehabilitation ward learning to use my left leg and hand as functionally as possible. It was around this time that I was allowed to leave the hospital for day trips. As much as it was lovely that my mum and Scott wanted to take me out and remind me that life existed outside the hospital walls, I found it exhausting and frustrating and longed to be back in the space where no one stared at me.
Survival
Eventually, the hatred of being poked and prodded all day outweighed my fears of leaving and physically I was capable of leaving, so I did. I was unstable on my feet and had no use of my left hand, I needed help to do most things. I stopped going to doctors and physical therapy. Scott and I went on adventures. I spent my days doing anything to prove to myself and to everyone around me that I was moving forward. We filled our lives with distractions and danced around the elephant that was my deteriorating body. It wasn’t a conscious decision it was more like survival instincts.
The process of the spinal cord sorting out what’s what can take up to 18 months from the time of injury. There is data to support the idea that physical exercise during that period is great for maximising mobility.
Acceptance
Ten months later my mum enrolled me in a new spinal cord rehabilitation program. I was terrified but mum drove me to the gymnasium just like when I was little, with pigtails and a bouncy attitude. My attitude was not bouncy that day but each day got easier and I grew to enjoy the challenge, both mental and physical. I got stronger and quicker in using the muscles that worked in all the typical ways and learnt how to stretch and maintain the ones that now worked differently to before.
It was inspirational to be surrounded by people who had accepted their impairments and were genuinely moving forward. I learnt that acceptance is a lifestyle.
Now
Those first two years flew by as have the years proceeding them. My life is different now and it can be frustrating and difficult at times but who’s to say it wouldn’t be either of those things without my impairment. Acquiring a physical impairment changed my life. It gave me a different view of the world and how I want to spend my time here. It changed my pace.
When the 10th of April comes around every year, Scott and I commemorate it in whatever way feels fitting.
