How to Be Kind to Yourself: Stop Chasing Self-Confidence

The enemy lies within.

Self-compassion is anything but being weak — Pic by Aman Shrivastava

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
― Plato

Why am I so harsh on myself?

I’m asked this question way too often from both readers and people who attend my workshops — self-reflection makes them realize they are ruthless on themselves.

All the way from leadership gurus to the media (even dentists) everyone is trying to trick us into this confidence nonsense. You have to look good and feel good to conquer the world, they tell you.

What’s driving everyone anxious is this: no matter how hard you try, no matter how successful you are, no matter how good you are — it’s never enough.

The “be more confident” advice is hurting us — the more we try to boost our confidence, the more damage we cause.

Stretching beyond your comfort zone is one thing; being harsh on yourself is another. Not understanding the difference between the two hinders your potential as well as your relationships.

The Self-esteem Trap Is Dangerous

Our culture is rooted in high self-esteem — you have to be special, unique, and above average.