How to Grow Up and Take Control of Your Life
The toilet. He was asking about the toilet.
“What does it say on the sign that leads to the toilet?”
126 choir kids just stood there, dumbfounded. We had no idea what our conductor was talking about.
“The blue sign by the door,” he continued. “Who can tell me what it says?”
A small voice from the middle of the tenor section:
“Men?”
Our inquisitor smiled. We were about to understand.
“Yes. It says men. It does NOT say ‘boys.’ The second you decided to leave your parents’ house and come to school is the second you became men and women.
I need you to stop acting like boys and girls.”
Every graduation season, I am reminded of this moment, reminded of the instant when the gauntlet was thrown. “Will you rise to the challenge?” my professor asked.
Yes. Yes, I will.
“When I was a child I reasoned like a child… but when I became a man I put the ways of childhood behind me.”
1. Stop calling yourself a kid
Your language dominates your thoughts. Your thoughts dominate your beliefs. Words have power. Honestly, as crazy as it sounds, it might be beneficial to say these words in the mirror:
“I am an adult.”
“I am an adult.”
“I am an adult.”
Saying things like this out loud is very weird. Best I can tell, though, it works.
(See also: 9 Mantras that Changed My Life Forever)
2. Take full responsibility for your life
Every situation you find yourself in from the second you turn 18 forward is 100% caused by you.
That probably sounds scary, but the good news is this — the more you are willing to take responsibility for, the more freedom you can have.
3. Do what you say you are going to do
At work — This isn’t about under-promising and over-delivering. I actually hate that philosophy. That’s what people say in case they don’t have the energy to over-deliver.
It really doesn’t matter what level you promise, so long as you execute on it.
In relationships — We tell little lies all the time. “I’d love to hang out!” “I think I can make it.” “I’ve missed you so much.”
Most of these lies are well-meaning. We are trying to be polite. In reality, though, we don’t often set aside the hours in the day to catch up with the high school friend we saw at the grocery store.
It really doesn’t matter if you agree to hang out or not, so long as you follow through on it.
With yourself — I used to be miserable at this. Baby steps were the only option. I would literally congratulate myself for publishing a 300-word post.
Then my brain said “See, I told you I was a stud! Now give me a little more.”
I followed the instructions.
Self-discipline is probably the most fulfilling discipline.
It doesn’t really matter how much you aspire to in life, so long as you pursue it.
4. Avoid irreversible life choices
Crippling Student Debt — 100% avoidable
Getting someone pregnant — 100% avoidable
DUI/DWI — 100% avoidable
“It’s a lot easier to go forward than it is to go back. Every step in life has the potential to become a chain if it comes at the wrong time.”
— My Mom
5. Have some freaking friends
Many of us in America have traded camaraderie for careers. It’s a problem.
We seem to have a weird rule that your job should be enough.
Your job will never be enough.
6. Systems beat sweat
You can work very hard in life and still die broke. In all aspects of your life, find a system that works for it.
- Financially, auto-transfer a certain percentage to a savings account the second your paycheck comes.
- Spiritually, build in dedicated time to be grateful for what you have.
- Creatively, write new ideas as often as possible. Your ideas are more valuable than your time.
- Physically, meal prep whenever you can so you have something on hand other than Cheetos.
(See also — My Daily Microjournaling Practice — which tackles 2 of these 4)
7. Pay your bills
Honestly, I used to be wishy washy about this. Then I stumbled across a Jim Rohn lecture:
“Don’t say ‘I’m behind on my bills.’ Say ‘I’m behind on my promises.’”
Ugh.
No matter how unethical or crooked I think my lenders are, the fact is I signed up to use their money. They are my daddy. This is a subset of rule 3. Your debts are promises.
Don’t fall behind on your promises.
8. Smile
9. 30 x 30 x 30 Rule
If you do just 30 seconds more of what you love day after day, you will likely be much more fulfilled at the end of a year.
If you spend 30 consecutive days acting on an interest and don’t hate it, you have likely found a potential career. (If you do hate it, at least you explored the option.)
If you plan on taking 30 years to build exactly the life you want, you will have much more patience for the little bumps along the way.
10. You are the chosen one
Your experiences — you and only you have them. Embrace them.
Your dreams — you and only you have them. Follow them.
Your family — you and only you have them. Love them.
Your potential — you and only you have it. Chase it.
Your story — you and only you have it. Tell it.
If you liked this, you will probably like also like this post:
You may also like my book, which I’m giving away for the price of an email address:
— TB
