How To Love Yourself
I’m 23. I was born in 1992, and in retrospect I realize that I was raised alongside modern rap music. Now, you may not like modern rap music, but after years of active listening, I’ve realized why I like it so much. Most rappers have no cultural choice but to exhibit a strong sense of confidence. Hard and strong is obviously more appealing than soft and weak. Those who act soft do it with the romantic stoicism of the soul musicians of yesteryear. Most good rappers exhibit a nuanced confidence and a self-love that really is admirable.
I look at a veteran like Russell Simmons, who was partly responsibly for crafting this ethos on the business end of things, and think, “Here’s a man who meditates and expounds spiritual wisdom but is also willing to fight for his belief in both himself and those he loves.” I far prefer that outlook to doormat philosophy. Self-love is a battle in a world that’s always trying to tell you you’re inferior. Rappers who’ve come up the real way know that. You don’t owe that world anything.
Self-love comes not from flailing attempts to reinvent the self. Doing that simply denies your real self. While most human beings are equally deserving of decency and respect, human beings are not equal. We differ vastly. Just look at us. Every individual has strengths and weaknesses. The more honest we are about these strengths and weaknesses, the easier self-love becomes.
Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses. Really cut to the bone but don’t be hyperbolic. If you suck at something you wish you didn’t suck at, put it down. If you know that you let yourself down, put it down. If you’re really really proud of something else, put that down too. Let the honesty about yourself pour out from inside you, skewed neither towards the good nor the bad. You may find you listed more weaknesses than strengths, or vice-versa. That’s ok.
The key here, and it’s something that meditation helps with immensely, is getting comfortable with self-honesty. Once you can do this, everything else becomes easier. Once you know yourself, you can grow and build off of what you know. If you want to be a master of tennis, you practice and learn everything you can about tennis. This goes for any skill. Self-mastery requires study of the self— reflection. Meditation is the most distilled and effective form of reflection, which explains its presence throughout history in the most spiritually-advanced human cultures.
Why is it that meditation allows us to love ourselves easier? Plainly and simply, it lifts the veil of personality. Consistent neutral reflection over a period of time allows the mind to first uncover its true nature and then make peace with it. You may find yourself balking with embarrassment or self-consciousness as you list your strengths and weaknesses. Ironically, it’s this very practice, this exposure to the parts of yourself that you bury away in the day-to-day, that helps you get to know yourself. Only after you get to know yourself better can you start making peace with who you are. Finally, you start to realize where you can evolve. These changes are effected naturally, in accordance with your actual self, rather than has new veils over the yet-uncovered self.
Self-love doesn’t mean seeing you who are, throwing a blanket over it, and then strutting around and going, “I’m the best. Don’t fuck with me.” That’s what idiots do. It’s what bad rappers do, too, to return to the introductory analogy. The good ones show us their insecurities and then say, “You know what? I’m gonna love myself anyway. Because I’m all I’ve got.” This is what we should be learning from. You’re all you’ve got, and no matter who you are, there’s a lot to work with. There are a lot of strengths, and a lot of weaknesses. The more work you can put in recognizing them, accepting them, and moving past them with diligence, the more mindful you’ll become, and the more wholly you’ll be able to love yourself.
