The One Rule That Makes Forgiving Anyone Instantly Easier

Even when it feels impossible.

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

Forgiveness is tough. Sometimes it feels impossible. Someone hurts you. They betray you. They destroy your trust. What comes next changes your relationship with most people. You hold onto the pain. You replay the experience. You hold onto resentment. Maybe they never even apologized. But keeping that anger doesn’t punish them — it punishes you.

I came across a forgiveness rule that’s helping me let go of grudges, resentment and old wounds. “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” It’s from Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey’s book, What Happened To You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. Yes. Give up hope of the past. You wanted something else. You wanted them to act differently.

But they didn’t. It happened. It’s done.

Let yourself off the hook.

You are carrying the weight. Not them. And it’s probably crushing you.”…giving up the hope that the past could have been any different,” makes the act of forgiving accessible.

They continue, “But we cannot move forward if we’re still holding onto the pain of that past and wishing it was something else. All of us who have been broken and scarred by trauma have the chance to…