People Can’t Give You What They Can’t Give Themselves
I can’t extend virtues I don’t have.
I don’t expect empathy, responsibility, clarity, love, kindness, selflessness, respect or trust from people at war with themselves. If people can’t give themselves virtues, they are unlikely to pass it on to me. It’s the uncomfortable truth.
But it’s the reality.
How people treat themselves is how they treat others. I see it everywhere. Someone who doesn’t love themselves struggles to love. They can try, but it may be incomplete. Someone who lacks self-respect rarely respects others. They might demand respect but won’t give it.
It’s hard to accept, but it explains a lot.
Sometimes, you want more from the people close to you. You feel you’ve done enough or are doing your part. But the harsh reality is people can only give what they have.
And it’s not my job to wait for them to find it. It’s your job to take care of yourself first. Fill your cup. And use it to respond better to experiences around you.
Psychologist Carl Jung talked about this. He said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
I think the reverse is true too.
