Step Up and Elevate Your Mindset — Part 1: Building Personal Relationships
This is the first installment of a four-part series on elevating your mindset and stepping up through thoughts, words and actions. I focus on four areas to help you improve your relationships, career prospects, personal development work and in your community. Today is part 1, focusing on personal relationships. We all have work to do in this area. I hope you find this constructive and easy to apply!
During my basketball playing days in college, as we neared the end of the two-hour practice mark, we all knew what was coming: Free throw time. After two grueling hours of physical play and conditioning, one player would need to step up and make two consecutive free throws in order for practice to end. For each miss, we had to run a “suicide,” which no one wanted a part of.
This is hard enough with the pressure that comes from the expectations of others — when we’re fully rested. It’s a different ballgame when we’re mentally and physically exhausted.
I’ve always desired to be the one at the end of a practice or game with the ball in my hands and everything on the line. I feel the same way now when it comes to making key decisions and taking action. I had the confidence to volunteer and step up each time to make the free throws.
If I missed, then it was on me. If I made it, then we were done. I never wanted credit. I simply knew what needed to be done. And I was completely at peace with that. I wanted to prove to myself that I could step up with confidence and deliver when it mattered. I also wanted to go home and rest!
Confidence is imperative for any endeavor we set our sights on. In order to make the first move, we have to believe that we are capable of delivering for ourselves and others.Applying this same principle to our daily regimen, here are ways we can integrate this mindset of stepping up into our personal relationships.
Relationships
It’s a certainty that someone in your life right now could use your help. Your boyfriend might need some empathy — a gentle ear to listen. Your father may be sick and might need you to run some errands. Stepping up in relationships means that we need to think with intentness and kindness toward helping those we care about.
Relationships are two-way streets. It’s our job as empowered, mindful individuals to step up and ensure that we live up to our end of the relationship bargain. A lot of what makes a relationship great is the work we choose to tackle through personal growth and productivity. I get much more accomplished when my day is planned out and I can check-off tasks.
As a result, I end up with more time, which goes to the benefit of helping my wife with chores around the house and helping put my son to bed at night. I squeeze out a few extra minutes for what Dr. Stephen Covey referred to as, “Sharpening the Saw,” time, which for me means doing more reading to glean wisdom and gain insights that I can integrate into my routine.
Thoughts
Our minds influence the key activity of the brain, which then influences everything; perception, cognition, thoughts and feelings, personal relationships; they’re all a projection of you. — Deepak Chopra
When you begin each day, as you think about your goals, dreams and ambitions, take the time to give thanks for the loving people that you have in your life. Think about one way that you can help someone you care about today. Think deeper about the feelings you have for your family and friends.
Meditate on these thoughts and be happy that you have loving people in your life. Think about all of your personal relationships: family, friends, partner, spouse, acquaintances and even the people you deal with in public places. Do you feel aggrieved by how you’ve been treated? Are there any wounds you’ve left on others through something you’ve said or done?
Start thinking about how you can repair those relationships and write your thoughts down in Evernote, OneNote or a personal journal. Then, you can begin to formulate thoughts on the words and actions to use.
Words
No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. — Robin Williams
Tell the people closest to you that you love them. This might be the biggest cliché in the book but oftentimes, clichés exist for a reason. There is quite a bit of truth in them. Every one I know who has lost a family member has told me at one moment or another that they wish they could let that individual know just how much they love them — one final time.
Words most definitely matter. We have to recognize this when we have the time with these people. I appreciate this more fully now as I live 1,000 miles from my birth family. Seeing them over Christmas literally helped to make my year even more special. And I did not waste the opportunity — I let them know how much I loved them and precisely how I felt.
Admiration and respect for an individual’s accomplishments matter tremendously. Think about how you feel when you publish an article or deliver a presentation. You want validation and to know that people recommended your story or greeted what you had to say with applause.
Likewise, it’s easy to get caught up in our own matters, worries and distractions. Let your spouse or partner know that you care about them. Tell your friend that you appreciate the relationship they have with their family. You never know how much you can touch someone until you take the time to tell them that you care.
Actions
There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. — Martha Graham
Doing something nice for someone else is a reciprocal action, whether you realize it or not. When we do kind things for others, the universe has a way of returning the favor to us. Act out of genuine desire to help others. Opening the door for your girlfriend or grandparent will open doors of gratitude and kindness that will be returned in spades to you.
You have to want it. The desire to improve personal relationships must first be born with desire, in the form of thought, then communicated by words and backed up with actions. Do what you say you’re going to do. Just put it into plan and as my wife says, “Get to gettin’.” One thing I’ve learned along my journey is that there’s no better time than now to step up and take charge.
The people you love and those who care for you will be thankful for it.
Live Boldly!
Please be so kind as to share with others and recommend my piece if you enjoyed reading. Also, please consider following me here on Medium! I encourage you to reach out to me and share your thoughts, if you wish. Subscribe to my newsletter via my website and Like my Facebook writer’s page! My book, A Values-Based Approach to Living will be out in Spring 2017. I’m so grateful for all of your support as I live out my journey. I fully support yours. Keep Going!
