The day I decided to do something with my life
Last week I had a “one third” life crisis, assuming I live to 96. My point is I had a breakdown at an age that was young enough to be in the perfect position to make some serious life changes but old enough to allow reality, fear and pessimistic brainwashing to limit me from doing anything about it.
It all started with an emotional breakdown
It didn’t look like the conventional breakdown that I imagined it would. There was no crying on my bedroom floor or rocking back and forth in a dirty lounge room corner (although I can assure you there had been plenty of times in my recent past where this image was a reality, but let’s save those stories for another day shall we?). I didn’t walk in to work, tip tables over and scream at someone for leaving that dirty coffee mug on my desk (let’s be honest, it was probably mine anyway). I didn’t have an irrational argument with someone in the supermarket for taking up too much space in the pasta aisle (like seriously get out of my way I need some fucking carbs tonight!). No. I just woke up and decided, something needs to change today. I am so god damn bored with my life.
If you have an idea, anything’s possible
So that brings us here. I know you were probably expecting to hear that I quit my job that day, moved to a remote village in Nepal, learnt the true meaning of living as a minimalist, developing real human connections and going off the grid to live off the land and find true happiness meditating 16 times a day and shaving my head to feel liberated. I could have done all of that - and what a life changing and empowering experience it would have been. But instead I decided to take the first step in making this life I have right now a better one. By doing something that scared the absolute shit out of me. Writing down my inner most thoughts and feelings and publishing them online for the whole world to see. Plus let’s be real. I’m not shaving my head. My hair is fucking fabulous.
At first the idea was just that. An idea. And I had tonnes of them. In the past year and a half I had ‘thought’ about doing so many things and becoming better at all of them. So many passions that took up five minutes until I lost momentum and fell back into a crippling monotony that became my existence. I thought about dancing, studying, yoga, changing my diet, buying a house, pottery, drawing, mosaics, design, interiors, DJing, furniture, hiking, changing jobs, and of course writing. But that was the problem. I thought about so many things and never did any of them properly or at all. I kept coming back to writing. I had kept journals since I was 8 years old. I wrote my friends birthday cards that would utilise both sides, because I had things to say to them. I even wrote entire books for both of my parent’s 60th birthdays.
That ‘light bulb’ moment
The catalyst that finally shifted this ‘idea’ into the realms of becoming a possible reality ignited after a conversation with my younger yet successful, driven and motivated brother. He had just landed his dream job after YEARS of hard work, patience and persistence following a whole bunch of his passions until he became brilliant. He gave me the last push I needed and told me simply yet eloquently ‘If you want to be a writer, write!’ So I didn’t sleep that night, and wrote instead.
Its not about ‘the blog’
At the end of the day this experiment isn’t about raising my social clout or to have people from all around the globe recognise me for my witty and hilarious writing skills. It’s the first step to committing to something I’m passionate about and sticking to it. It’s about taking a risk and sharing my stories with people who may be able to relate. Its about inspiring others to do the same, continuing to do things for the story and pushing my perfectly packaged comfort zone, tearing it apart and writing about it. But relocating my life to a third world country or quitting my job and moving to Byron to play the banjo was never going to fix the problem. And writing a blog wont either. But there’s something about this that sparks a feeling that I haven’t felt for a long time. And yes, it includes severe nausea but I promise the overriding feeling is that it’s just ‘right’. So I’m rolling with it.
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