Things We Do That We Should Do Less (Day 3)

Getting trapped in our own heads. Defeating ourselves before the world defeats us.

Categorizing ourselves as if we were specific items in a catalog. I can do this but can’t do that. I’m a numbers person. I’m not. I’m a people person. I’m not.

Progressively losing our sense of wonder in the face of routine. At first every new place and new person is wonderful and little by little, if we get a lot of something, we stop noticing and caring.

Reading and hearing advice that we agree with and that we desperately want to follow, and then quickly forgetting it and how strongly we felt about it. All of these blog posts, inspirational quotes, and memorable movie scenes that are floating around out there — there’s a reason we can’t get enough of them. We need to hear the same advice over and over to fantasize over the idea of following it.

Thinking we’re the only ones thinking and feeling like we do. Great art proves we’re not by sharing the secrets we thought were only ours.

Walking into a room in which we know no one and thinking I know no one, it’s me vs this huge cohesive mass of people. We have a tendency to think that the world is partitioned in an absurdly imbalanced way: one person (us) on one side and everyone else on the other. Realizing that everyone else feels just as isolated in their own individual existences is a tough feat of the imagination.

Being afraid of simple things like making eye contact and talking to strangers in the street or in the elevator. Especially if we’re attracted to them. Woudn’t want them to find out! The craziest part is that you feel bold and proud when you talk to strangers no matter how well of poorly it goes. Just for having done it.

Only trying to meet girls / guys in crowded dark bars and clubs where everyone is fighting, spending and yelling for attention at the same time, when in the middle of the day these same people we wanted to talk to so badly are around us and we don’t say a word.

Thinking of cities just in term of the couple dozens of people we spend time with there and for some reason having the impression that we’ve covered the map and met whom we were meant to meet.

Striving to present our best selves to the world when people would relate to us much more if she revealed more weaknesses. The ability to show vulnerability is strength. It’s easy to hide.

Not daring to say something we think should be said because we’re afraid of someone’s reaction.

Knowing what we should be doing and still choosing to not do it.

Expecting to be discovered. Expecing to be saved. Expecting that something good will happen to us before we make something happen. That she or he will trip and spill iced coffee all over you and one year later you’ll be happily married.

Thinking that someone else should do it.

Going to social events and not being social.

Taking things personally. People think as little of you as you think of them.

Saying something, anything, to avoid silence.

Only paying attention to compliments because criticism hurts too much.

Doing the same thing over an over and expecting different results.

Spending much more time commenting on and criticizing the actions of others instead of doing and creating ourselves. It’s much easier to say that an idea is stupid than it is to believe in something.

Not treating our personal work with as much respect as we treat the work we get paid for.

Getting really angry about things others do even though we do them. Like jaywalking or having a loud party.

Assuming that people are too busy and don’t want to be interrupted. Most people are bored with their lives and would welcome some amazing surprise in their day.

Not realizing that “society,” meaning “the people who read these types of posts,” is a tiny fraction of the world.

Thinking people tell us the truth.

Not paying attention to what we do when we don’t force ourselves to do anything.

Not paying attention to how we actually sound and what we say and how we come off in general. Forgetting to smile. Saying little and saying it with a cold tone. Wearing a stern expression on our faces and being surprised when people aren’t smiling back.

Hiding behind our phones. Just like cigarettes, it gives you the impression of having a social sidekick but it actually works against you.

Trying to live someone else’s story. I fall into this trap when I read or hear about the lives of my “heroes.” I want to act just like them for the next few days. The best way to do that is to live my own story.

Worrying about making a fool of yourself. Now that I’m blogging every day, I feel this more than ever. I’m not used to sharing what’s on my mind as publicly.

Forgetting to ask ourselves if we are happy and why or why not.

Telling our close ones that we’re going to do something bold: quit that job, start that company, write that book, paint that painting, move to that country, over and over and not doing it. Settling for the little thrill of imagining it instead of living it.

Getting used to bailing out of difficult challenges and rationalizing why we did it. We’re all very good at coming up with compelling explanations.

Accepting things as default. The person we are right now, the friends we have, the city we live in, the way people feel about us, the way our life looks, the way the world looks.

Thinking that people who write these types of posts no longer do what they say not to do.