What it Cost Me to Become More Self-Aware

Wow. Haven’t sat down to write since September. Pathetic really, someone with dreams of becoming a writer snagged on his own pitfalls and priorities. But, in the past year, I totally surpassed any other year in terms of learning and I’ve felt that way for consecutive years now. It was all on me in 2015. I became the sole linchpin of my success in life. No regular job, no “boss”, no limits. My terms and my ability to execute. I don’t know why or where I might have assumed it would be easier to do it myself, but the notion of ease anywhere in the realm of what I’m after is a fallacy. It wasn’t easy and I no longer expect or even desire it to be. I’m here now writing because I’m now fully aware of what I’m up against and what it really takes to reach the heights I aspire to. Full commitment, and prioritizing the time to create and to work above pleasure seeking. I know I’ve got work ethic, but I’ve always applied it for someone else’s business or other leaders visions. It has probably been the hardest thing I’ve ever done taking a shot at being my own boss and utilizing my physical work ethic creatively and independently.

I learned I’ve got some bad work and study habits, when it comes to sitting at a desk I’ve held onto from school, and that the propensity to make excuses while letting time fly while I’m not on a more structured schedule. I’ve understood that because I have a huge list of what I’m after when it comes to learning and achievements, these projects can’t all happen simultaneously. Yet, many aspects can be linked or combined into a bigger vision where vast progress has been made towards all goals. A teacher I started following in 2015 (Gary Vaynerchuk) used the term “Wuzzel-ing” to describe it. Combining two (or more) separate, or even unrelated goals, projects, desires, products or basically anything else, into one entity. What does this mean, and how does it relate to my self-awareness? It helped me realize the value of looking at everything from the viewpoint of how it can be linked to anything else, and especially the grander vision of my life. For example, my dream to become a writer links with almost every other skill I want to learn because I can write about it. Growing organic produce? I can write about it. Making films, videos, and TV? Not only can I write about it, but writing is a very important part of each of those three forms of storytelling. Basically, for me I can accomplish or progress towards higher learning in all the realms I’m pursuing, and realize my dream of being a writer, by just writing about everything. That requires time. Other things have to vacate my calendar and make room for the Wuzzle.

The journey to greater self-awareness I’ve pursued over the last year has had peaks and valleys. The overall trend is still upward, and it’s not like it’s over. I’m not as self-aware as I’ll ever be, I’ll have to continually learn and adapt as I grow as a person. But, after 12 months of dedicating time to understanding myself better, I’m better off. Now that journey continues, as I dedicate time to writing this year. Writing will help me continually deepen and strengthen my awareness of self and I’m excited to evolve.

So what has it cost me to become more self-aware? Time, desire and intent. That’s about all it really cost. An investment I’m continually willing to make in 2016.