What Scares Me

How easy it is to coast through our lives, our existence.

How difficult it is to realize that some of the things we accept are insane and some of the things we ignore are crucially important.

How we might wake up one day and realize that everything we sought and believed and worked for was completely pointless.

How easy it is to go through our lives numb. How we can shield ourselves from the necessary unpleasantness of life because it’s too difficult to feel.

How we can spend so much time thinking about others that we’ll never truly know ourselves.

How we can spend so much time obsessing over useless, insane, and pointless things that we start believing these things are important.

How fragile so many things are but we pretend they’re indestructible.

How easy it is to let someone else do the work. How easy it is to watch someone else do the work and think that we’re the ones who are making progress.

How easy it is to deflect and how difficult it is to actually see ourselves.

How easy it is to destroy and how difficult it is to create.

How easy it is to be overwhelmed and how difficult it is to cut through the noise.

How fleeting all of this is. How we can think we have so much time, only to question, once we’ve reached the end, how we could have been so foolish.

How we can lose sight of what’s meaningful to the point where everything is hollow.

How seductive and totally irresistible those hollow things are.

How easy the bad habits are and how good they make us feel.

How difficult the good habits are and how much work they require.

How intensely we can want and how little those wants are worth.

How we might never understand that this is it. This, right here. Right now. Is it.

And because we’re always looking for something bigger, greater, and more important, we miss it. We miss the things that actually mattered.

How we might have already missed what could have saved us. Because we weren’t paying attention or we were too busy coasting and telling ourselves we were making progress to see what could have helped.

How distracted we can be by nothing. Literally nothing.

How appealing nothingness can be.

How we run ourselves ragged because it’s better than feeling. How we avoid important things for the most senseless reasons.

How we tell ourselves that what’s making us sick is actually keeping us healthy.

But what scares me the most is that we might never know we’re scared.