Why Relationships Fail.

You’ve been doing it all wrong.

To know what’s for you — you have to know what you can and can’t tolerate. It’s important to understand who you are and what feeds you outside of someone else. The biggest mistake people make in trying to savor a relationship, is become something else. A mold to fit a lover’s preference. I believe a good partner is someone who can only complement you, not ‘complete’ you. Someone who offers a seat at the edge of your mind but can’t teach you how to fly. Only receive as you receive.

You can’t be half-empty waiting for another to make you equal. Love doesn’t dwell in crevices, nor does it survive on a slice. Unearth your own taste, how are you satisfied? We live in a microwave society, both literal and loose. I can’t teach you how to eat salad if you’ve been conditioned for steak and no balance. Learn your love language and communicate how you’re best fed.

In effort to not lose, I notice people bargain their happiness to not feel lonely. I have never been a person to keep drinking the same water which made me sick. Just because you feel good doesn’t mean you’re in the right place, you have to remember that motion — isn’t always progress. Sometimes people come in your life to misuse your energy for hidden wounds. But after a while, the dumb grow wiser and the the liar becomes a master, do not become a victim of this illusion. Even love isn’t enough.

Relationships fail because of misplaced blame. People try to project what the other person does as wrong and they never see their own fault. In owning where you fall short, you give your partner the badge of vulnerability and a bridge to further that truth. Permission isn’t always a verbal agreement, reassurance can be touch, eye contact or close proximity. You recalibrate miscommunication by showing up with an itch to listen. People lie and pretend everything is okay because they’re afraid to be lonely. Overtime you lose a sense of who you are when you commit to partner’s preference and neglect who you really are.

When your partner misuses your pain, you lose trust. Psychologically they wound you as a way to keep your emotions in control for dependency. A narcissist throws you to the wolves as a sacrifice for their own blood. People like this often misplace trauma to compensate for healing that isn’t real. You can’t give someone the responsibility for your happiness because the moment they mishandle that illusion — they become your enemy. You lose everything. You have to know who you are before you give yourself to someone else. You learn to decipher better what is and isn’t for you.

You have to remember comparison is a failed system in a quest for results. People don’t stay together for reflection, they learn to stay by cleaning each other’s mirrors to find crystals in all the dust. Do not forget to kiss your partner’s wounds while you lick your own. Salt heals but it burns, who are you to your lover, who are you to yourself?

When you learn to answer that question, even your pain will grow nutrients. Feed and be fed. This is how we all survive.

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