My Aging Doggy Teaches me Love and Patience
I have a shadow that follows me around the house. She’s been there for 15 years with her wild hair, buggy eyes and hilarious under bite. She’s spirited, daring, mischievous and a little crazy. She’s been with me during my entire time in South America. My memories with her are obviously too numerous to count and will keep me laughing the rest of my life.
She’s also old.
The kind of old that makes it difficult to witness. Fifteen years of believing herself to be unbreakable has burdened her with constant and chronic pain. She no longer prances when she walks nor does she hug visitors with her two front legs when they come into the house.
Her dementia has robbed her of her shrewdness. But she is still my shadow. She settles in wherever I am. Her favorite place to be is the kitchen as she waits for me to conveniently drop things on the floor as I cook.
Because the realization that her mortality is closer now than it ever has been, I’ve been reflecting on life and death and memories. I feel as though I’ve been thrust into mourning even though she’s still right here next to me.
I wonder if the act of saying goodbye a little every day and mourning the inevitable ahead of time, her actual death will be a much more gentle experience.
I want to tell her not just that I love her, but all the reasons why I love her. I want to believe that she understands me when I thank her for her company and for all the ordinary days that she made better, just by being her.
I love her for all the times she’s made me laugh.
I love her for being adventurous and unafraid.
And in her process of aging and dying, she’s teaching my son and I patience and compassion.
Love is so much easier when someone is healthy and young and doesn’t need anything from us.
We enjoy relationships and jobs when they are simple, and we evolve when they are complicated. We know all too well that humans don’t learn their life lessons when things are easy.
Part of our daily life now includes cleaning up the puddles of urine that she leaves around the house due to her confusion and urinary problems, and we constantly get frustrated when we trip over her, because she doesn’t realize that she’s standing in our way.
I’ve sat and thought about why humans and dogs love each other so much, and find such happiness together. And it turns out that it is a combination of things, one of them being genetics, because we’ve evolved together throughout history.
Another reason is Oxytocin. According to this article, even short interactions with a dog can produce oxytocin in a human brain. Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter often referred to as the “love drug”. It not only reduces stress and anxiety, but also increases empathy, relaxation and trust. It is also produced during labor and breastfeeding.
This is one of the reasons why so many nursing homes invite dogs into their facilities for dog therapy.
What’s interesting in witnessing my doggy get older, is realizing that love remains even when the one you love is no longer themself.
We can love people for their behavior or personality, the way they treat us, the chemistry that is present, or simply because of a familial tie. Mothers don’t need a reason to love their child when they are first placed in their arms. The love is simply felt.
All of the behaviors that made us fall in love with our dog, she is no longer exhibiting. She no longer prances, nor hugs, nor chases after her chew toy.
She no longer makes us laugh because she is no longer herself. All the reasons why we loved her, don’t really exist anymore.
Now we love her just because. Because she’s ours. Because she’s family. Because real love is given when someone needs it the most, not when it’s convenient for us.
So, for however long you have left with us Mechy, this is our love letter to you.
I wrote this in 2021 and Mechy died shortly after. Thankfully we still feel her near us.
