Petty Report Card
Published in

Petty Report Card

How I know that Tom Hanks is a loser.

Dear Tom Hanks (Hanx) —

Please, if you’re ever walking by and you see me celebrating in the festivities of my wedding (which you will never do since I am already in possession of a bodybuddy/lifemate, nevertheless …), keep on stepping! Take your enormous ego, and, for the briefest of moments that it will require for you to keep on walking and minding your own business, keep that ego in check and realize that not everyone on this planet cares about who you are, knows who you are, or if they know who you are, care that you’ve graced us with your overwhelmingly large, egomaniacal presence. Seriously, what type of person (famous or otherwise) walks around, sees a group of strangers, sees a bride about whom this entire day/moment ought to revolve and thinks to himself, “You know what, I bet that I, Tom Hanks, an elderly (like ephing fucking old), washed-up, has-been actor (as opposed to an intellectual or truly great person), will totally make this person’s day with my presence. My being is enough to really raise the value of this person’s personal social gathering in their (not my) honor. Yes. That’s right. I am that man, and I can make everyone’s life better with my selfie opportunity.”

Fuck you, Tom Hanks. It’s sad that you have to use the lives of us “normal folk” in order to maintain your “relevance” as the world has come to realize that you have nothing much to offer (not to mention the spectacular job you’ve done rearing the next generation, lol). Get a fucking life, and stay out of mine, please. Thanx, Hanx.


A person who refuses to see your lame-ass attempts at selfie relevance as anything other than egomaniacal and pathetic (in equal proportion). Peace.

Originally published at on November 5, 2021.




it’s called “petty” report card … don’t be surprised when I write about petty shit … duh.

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Sun 김선 Sailor

Sun 김선 Sailor

founder/owner & 선장 at + — writings are broadcast from

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