Why We Want To Be On Top

Our drive to be superior

Why do you think we fix this and redo that and adjust this and add that when we’re in the mirror? Why do we take photos and then edit them, crop them, but eventually just retake them? Why do we flip our hair and adjust our top every other minute? Why do we constantly check to see if our tie is still straight and our shirt tucked-in?

We are irreversibly and chronically self-conscious. Do I look right? talk right? walk right? We’re deceiving ourselves if we think we have true self-confidence, indestructible self-assurance, and unshakable self-esteem. Those things — which makeup our self-concept — are inextricably based off of others: in comparison to her, in relation to him, measured up against them.

These concerns are ‘of the ego’ — the oh, so fragile and surely vulnerable ego. The ego that is set-up and cornered by oncoming attack and assault, behind the spurious and ostensibly firm and secure exterior we concoct. The bravado, the unabashed bubbliness, the bellowing voice, the rapturous laugh are all techniques to hide our cringing and crumbly core.

Because of this, we’re always ‘on the defensive,’ always ‘on guard’ — protecting and warding off threats perceived from north, south, east, and west; from sunup to sundown; every day of the week and every week of the month. We are impelled and induced with this indefatigable effort to not feel lesser, inferior, weaker, stupider.

But this is a constant reminder — everywhere we look, everyone we look at — an everlasting reality because of what we build our self-worth on:

• We want to be stronger than that guy in the gym.
• We want to be better looker than that girl in the store.
• We want to be richer than our neighbor across the street.
• We want to be sexier than that chick in the club.
• We want to be cooler than that kid at the lunch table.
• We want to be more successful than that coworker.
• We want to be smarter than that classmate in the front row.
• We want to be more athletic than that defensive back guarding us.
• We want to be tougher than that guy in the bar.
• We want to be holier than that woman in the pew in front of you.

Why are we driven like this? Why are we wired like this? Why do we operate in this way? Our goal is to be better than, to be superior to others. And that’s fueled by our tenuous self-image that we create and manage — madly — for ourselves. In short, we are attached to these things — and that’s why they are so powerful and prevailing in us.

So, what is something that we can alternatively build ourselves with?

Virtue.

Virtue is not of the physical but of the spiritual, of the transcendent, of the absolute. Virtue is focused on the cultivation, edification, and procurement of ourselves, and concerned with the betterment of others. Virtue — instead of comparing and competing with others — looks inward and, when it looks outward, looks out-there with a pure heart and pure intention.

• Instead of the rushing through life, we can develop patience — letting life come in and come to as is.
• Instead of thinking about me first and me only, we can practice selflessness — going out of our way to heed the needs and hopes of others.
• Instead of being cold, indifferent, and unconcerned with your fellow humans, we can act with kindness — treated others with gentleness and other-centeredness.
• Instead of being ruled by passions, desires, and urges, we can exhibit self-control — having a tight grip on how we conduct ourselves.
• Instead of thinking about ourselves and our wants, we can be thoughtful — considering others, caring about them, and sublimating ourselves.
• Instead of being crudely opinionated and unwaveringly judgemental, we can be understanding — putting ourselves in others’ shoes, seeing things from their lens.
• Instead of craving and coveting what we don’t have, we can become appreciative — being cognizant and grateful of our situation.
• Instead of diverting and assigning blame when things don’t workout, we can become accountable — admitting and acknowledging our part in things.
• Instead of boasting and bragging about ourselves, we can choose humility — recognizing our weaknesses and downplaying our accomplishments that we’ve achieved.

Roman statesman and historian Gaius Sallustius Crispus, holds that “…the fame of riches and beauty is fickle and frail, while virtue is eternally excellent.” Virtue is more lasting than egoic drives. Virtue is stronger than these self-enhancers. Virtue is concerned with Herself (as Stoic Seneca writes); She is her own reward.

Being better, bigger, and bolder makeup a precarious and unstable foundation to work with. Someone who is truly striving to be virtuous isn’t comparing, contrasting, weighing, measuring. They are concerned with themselves, their development, their mind, body, and soul.

With this prudent and worthy approach, we can base ourselves on greater truths, real values, and travel on a righteous road.

Our insecurities, our worries, our misgivings can dissipate, dissolve, and trinkle away in the dust behind.