Is Stoicism relevant today? A few observations from reading Epictetus

Takeaway #1 (of 5): Viewing life like a banquet

My life the past few years has been quite a rollercoaster. I have gone from making 6 figures a few years back to virtually nothing this past year. As a lifelong proponent of lifelong learning, 18 months ago I started to look for some different perspectives about life, thus came across stoicism.

One of the great life lessons I learned early in my undergrad career was to ‘go to the source’. Given that was in the early 80s I hope younger readers can appreciate how grueling research could be in the days before the web and mobile phones. There has been quite a bit posted on Medium and YouTube the past 24 months about Stoicism. Some is quite interesting, some is just regurgitation of others and some is pure rubbish. Though I encourage you to explore these for yourself (links to public domain ebooks and audiobooks are at the end of this piece), here is my first major takeaway: Viewing life like a banquet.

“Remember that you must behave as at a banquet.

Is anything brought round to you? Put out your hand and take a moderate share.

Does it pass by you? Do not stop it.

Is it not yet come? Do not yearn in desire toward it, but wait till it reaches you.

So with regard to children, wife, office, riches; and you will some time or other be worthy to feast with the gods.

And if you do not so much as take the things which are set before you, but are able even to forego them, then you will not only be worthy to feast with the gods, but to rule with them also.”

Excerpt From: Epictetus. “The Enchiridion.” Section XV.

This small section (the whole book is a quick read) hit me like a ton of bricks because it consolidated a number of diverse concepts I had been trying to comprehend. Buddhist writings say that our desires are at the heart of our miseries. The Bible writes that a love of money is the root of all evil. Many books and even celebrities on YouTube talk about waiting for the universe to bring your vision to you. Separately, these writings all have a distinct point, but put them together and it seems a bit overwhelming for today’s society.

My take on Stoicism is it provides perspective. Thus the banquet analogy was quite illuminating. Ancient banquets were not like modern day buffets where you go and help yourself. Diners were lounging in different areas and trays of food, sweets and drinks were brought around. Think about a tray of your most favourite food. (Mine would be either broiled lobster with butter or a moist rich dark chocolate cake) Now imagine a whole tray being brought to you, How many servings would you take? Would you put out your hand and take a moderate share? Or would you pile it on like there is no tomorrow? And if you see the tray being served to others, would you grab the arm of the server, or yearn for it or call out for it? Would your overwhelming desire for that ‘thing’ control your thoughts and actions? (Side note: overly yearning for something makes one a sucker for con men and women).

What happens is we replace a tray of food with success of our children, life or business partner, status and money — and then ask yourself the same questions? Social media today provides us with many examples:

Children — Over the decades I have seen many parents try to live vicariously through their children’s success. I have even seen ‘tiger’ moms and dads putting young tots through the academic ringer of clubs and academies. From another POV, there is the celebrity college entrance scandal. The strangest part of this is that many did not even want to go to college, or certainly did not see the value in it.

Partner — Gold diggers (all sexes) abound in both business and real life. When you want to be with someone because it makes you look good instead of for who they are.

Status — recognition. When being right is more important than collaboration. Or being more worried about our title than our actual accomplishments or how many people we actually help.

Money — Crooked politicians and business leaders around the globe. All of these are where the desire has taken control of one’s actions and has usually overridden the moral and ethical compass. They take and take and take and don’t care who it hurts.

Focusing on the day (not tomorrow nor next week or next year etc.) is what he meant by being able to feast with the gods (small ‘g’). But simplifying your thinking to the point of being able to pass on a tray of delicacies when they are set before you (not out of show) but out of truly not needing (desiring) them — others will see you as wise.

Thoughts?