Love Changes People

When my daughter goes to bed and the house falls silent, my passion quickly becomes replaced with reality and my thoughts begin racing.

Evade, avoid, and repeat. Most days, that’s my motto. After 2 a.m., it becomes more of an anthem. I’d say it works, too. For example, tonight, I didn’t notice that my open letter to my friends and my family wasn't read or liked on even one of six social networks. At least, not by any of my family members.

I didn't notice that out of 338 Facebook friends, only a handful read my letter or liked it. In fact, It almost slipped right by me that out of my last 20 posts, only three family members interacted and the exact same 25 people.No, I didn't notice at all. It doesn't bother me.

“It’s just Facebook!”

I also didn't notice when child abuse, domestic abuse and violence, started trending and not many shared my message then, either. A few wrote to tell me “I wanted to share it, but…” Then, they offered some explanation. I understood. The article was a little intense. It’s hard to think about that kind of violence. I would know. I struggled to write it.

Approximately 3 million [child abuse/neglect] reports are made annually, which include more than 6 million children! But we all just continue to watch. Meanwhile, CBS News legal analyst Rikki Klieman, an “expert,” wants to refer to the line between discipline and abuse as a gray blur?

I guess they've never been a victim. It’s okay. Business as usual.

The same thing happened the first time my work was published by Elite Daily. #YesALLWomen began trending on Twitter, sparked by the Isla Vista Shooting.

Instead of mourning the victims, we placed gender against gender and one kind of pain against another, rather than addressing that we have a culture of violence.

#YesALLWomen is an important and meaningful hashtag. As a woman and a survivor of sexual assault, I understood that. But as someone who experienced the death of two classmates and the tragedy of the Columbine Massacre when I was a high school student, it was frustrating to watch the world divert the attention away from the lives that were lost.

When I was 15, I remember thinking to myself that what I was hearing about would be a part of history one day. I never imagined we would allow it to become a way of life.

I'll be honest, I was proud of myself! I was a brand new blogger. I never thought it would actually get published. My friends and family struggled to congratulate me or share it, just the same as the others.

I called my mother and father and told them that day, even gave them the link to read it. Six hours later . . . silence. No big deal. People forget how you made them feel, right? Maya Angelou reminds us that’s not true:

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

People ask me why I speak out and they complain that I keep sharing the same message on social networks over and over. The answer is easy, really. I know how painful it is to feel like you truly do not matter to those you love.

When I began advocating for suicide prevention and encouraging love and compassion to go viral, I blogged an article to kick it off:

Everyone is Talking About Homosexuality, But No One Is Talking About What Matters.

Less than 24 hours later, I realized that if I wanted my message to be heard, I needed to change the title. People wouldn't read it and they definitely wouldn't share it, if it alluded to a lifestyle they consider immoral, sinful, or perverse.

If I reference homosexuality or if I advocate on behalf of a transgender adolescent, I must be one of those people:

Leftward thinking people truly do whatever it takes when it comes to convincing others that their lifestyle — and other lifestyles — are simply equal expressions of human life.

As expressed by a conservative, Christian blogger.

Telling someone Jesus loves them is not the same as telling them you love them. Jesus can’t tell our children how much we love them or how important they are to us. Jesus can’t tell them how much they matter to us.

Leelah Alcorn need to know her parents loved her. She screamed it. She needed to know that her life mattered to them; she mattered.

When I was Leelah’s age, I attempted suicide. It wasn't long afterwards that I also stopped going to church.

It has taken me 15 years to admit to attempted suicide. But it took my church merely minutes to decide I wasn't good enough for the “ministry contract” I had signed. In fine ink, it disclosed, “perfection required.”

I wasn't “called and anointed”. I wasn't a leader. I didn't deserve the ministerial role I’d worked towards for years. I didn't even deserve to sing in the choir! I didn’t matter.

At least, that’s the message they sent to me. Looking back now, I know they were wrong. But I didn't know that back then. So I hid the truth, carried the guilt, and blamed myself.

The Bible references love 131–317 times varying by interpretation. I read the Bible when I was a teenager. The most irrefutable and important verse I read was this one:

Three things remain: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.

Christians become preoccupied with preaching the words of men from the Bible and they ignore the words quoted right from God’s mouth, “Love your neighbor as yourself!”

The Bible instructs Christians to be a light in the world and to love others with a heart after God’s very own heart. You don’t need a Bible for that. If you want to share your faith, witness or save a life, it’s simple! Just go out into the world and show love.

Someone in your life is sitting at home right now and they're wondering why they should care about life anymore or go on living.

They're suffering in silence and painting a smile because that is what our culture has conditioned us to believe is polite, normal and expected.

“How are you?”

“I’m okay.”

But someone who tells you that today is not okay. They're desperate, broken and hurting. Today, someone you love and cherish is silently thinking:

I don’t matter. No one would miss me.

Be the one to tell them they are loved. They say pain changes people. I’ve come to find that true myself.

But so does love.