Should we trust our gut feelings or be logical when it comes to love?
I came across this question in Quora, which reminds me of numerous debates among close friends in regards of the matter.
It seems like love is the most powerful drug that changes our hormone and mess with our mind. Even the most rational person will start questioning his or her sense and sensibility when in love.
Falling in love could be the most beautiful thing in the world, but staying in love is complicated. Perhaps ‘match made in heaven’ is a pure invention aimed to disguise the harsh reality.
Being Logical
Logical often refers to predictability, stability and calculated risk.
Being logical is to love someone who is caring, kind, approved by friends and family, love you more than you do, never miss anniversaries… and safe.
It means someone with a stable job, decent background, whereby you could easily project a future with him 10, 20 or 30 years down the road. You know there will be stable career and income progression, the type of car and house you guys can afford, the amount of mortgage, number of kids and so on.
I read an article that says ‘choose the boring guy’ and it’s sad. I wouldn’t want to label my partner as ‘boring’ because that is not who I want to be with. A stable, mature and responsible man is not equivalent to boring.
Anyhow, it is logical to love a man like this.
Gut Feeling
You will come up with a thousand reasons to love someone even when everyone tells you that he is a douche bag.
You say you see qualities in him that ‘outsiders’ can’t see.
He could be a risk taker, mentally unavailable, lack of future plan with you; but nevertheless, you love how it feels to be with him.
It is exciting and adventurous, an ‘all or nothing’ approach that could leave you very vulnerable.
So what? It’s your life, your instinct and it’s worthwhile to explore the unknowns, even though it means getting hurt.
Falling in love is easy
“Falling in love feels amazing, but it’s also terrifying. The moment you admit to loving someone, you admit to having a lot to lose.” -Mandy Len Catron
Inspired by an experiment that studies interpersonal closeness, Mandy Len Catron replicated that with an acquaintance and published her story in NYT that went viral.
Mandy stressed on the importance of asking hard questions in a relationship.
How do you decide who deserves your love and who does not?
How do you stay in love when things get difficult?
How do you know when to just cut and run?
How do you live with the doubt that inevitably creeps into every relationship?
How do you live with your partner’s doubt?
Will you have civil discussions and debates?
Or will you have loud, nasty shouting matches followed by days of silence?
How will you both handle anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness?
How do you measure your life now?
What does happiness mean now?
What does success mean now?
How does he measure his life?
How do you define balance in the relationship?
How does he define balance?
Is any compromise involved? By who? How often?
After all, love is a choice
More and more peers of mine are walking down the aisle with their partners. I used to wonder what the heck they were thinking to give up adventures and the chance to see the world without any burden.
Then I realise it’s just me and what I want in life.
It’s a beautiful thing that two persons choose to love each other, embrace each other’s flaw, and vow to stay together forever. It’s wonderful when a couple bring new life to the family they build. It is a whole new adventure in life as well.
Falling in love is just the beginning. You will have to make the same choice to love that person again and again through ups and downs in life, hoping that the person will make the same choice about you as well.
It’s terrifying, but that’s the deal with love. — Mandy Len Catron
