The Art of Break Up

I was plotting a break up with my best friend and it was so twisted. It felt wrong. I felt sorry for the girl. But my friend seemed lost, distressed, and defeated. He knew for sure that it wasn’t going to work out because he changed.

How does a relationship happen?

M Scott Peck said that two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live together. I love this quote.

Falling in love is just the start and the easy part that could happen in split second. Love is the moment when you feel like you own the world.

It is chemical reaction. Hormone. Emotion.

Best case scenario — get hitched

A friend posted a photo of ROM on Facebook with the caption ‘Game Over’.

I gasped — my game hasn’t even started yet!

When both parties are stable, growing at the same pace, willing to compromise, accepting each other’s flaw, sharing the same values, lifestyle and vision; marriage seems to be the next sensible step.

Worst case scenario — break up

However, when one or both parties stop making the choice to stay in love, this happens.

It does not necessarily mean betrayal or selfishness; it is the flow of life, how it should be.

Nobody gets hurt?

I said this to my friend and realised that it doesn’t make sense at all. There is always one who loves more, who is more devoted than the other. Love can be the best thing in the world but it can also be destructive. Loving selflessly is the ideal but who can confidently say so?

If you initiate break up

It will be a relief. Relationship is not a clock or a machine that can be deconstructed and repaired.

Sometimes breaking up is the right thing to do when you fall out of love. You have to free the other person for the right reason.

It is either both parties suffocate slowly in a failing relationship, or you make the call which could be extremely painful but short live. Think of it as a voluntary euthanasia.

It doesn’t make you a bad person. It is what it is, a break up.

If you are dumped

It is a harsh word, but there is no need to sugar coat it. Breaking up does not happen overnight, all reasons and triggers build up over time.

You may have too much faith that you refuse to see the truth, or you choose to see the ideal picture and ignore the facts. That happened to me.

There will be rage, hatred, and pain initially; then it turns into gratitude.

I am grateful that he crushed my false belief. I am grateful that we lived those beautiful moments. I am grateful for all the things he taught me that bring me where I am today.

And life goes on.

How to break up thoughtfully?

So my friend and I, we planned the detail out — the location, script, possible reactions and appropriate responses.

I asked him a lot of ‘why’s to get to the core and asked him to convey that to the girl. It didn’t make breaking up easier. He was very emotional. Even though it has to come to an end, the relationship was real.

There is no one size fit all solution because all couples have different model, DNA, and maturity. Sometimes it has to end ugly.

However, never ever, ever do it over text, Facebook message or email. That is just disgraceful to a relationship.

So what if you have to break up?

My friend said he hadn’t felt so emotional and upset for a long time. I told him you are just living life.

Life is not all sweet and comfort. Complications make you think, figure things out, and get a clearer picture of who you are.

In time like this, be thankful that you are able to feel and stay true to yourself.

It is okay, you can take it, the world can take it.