The Only Thing I Need
I want to pause for a while. I wanted to see myself again with myself.
This place, right here — I want to be here again. This is what I need right now. Time and space for myself.
This year has been a roller-coaster ride, I am blessed to be able to get myself busy. As I look back, I couldn’t imagine how I was able to go through all those shits that happened. And all those life’s low moments. Life is full of surprises. Those unexpected moments, those spontaneous happiness among the uneasy ones.
Like today.
I’ve been busy. A lot of thoughts running in my mind. Too many things to think about. Work has been a nuisance lately. I have always been a focused one, being able to cope up with what was given. But lately it seemed I’ve had enough of all the multitask work I’ve been dealing with. I know stress has been lurking behind me that even Sleep is having trouble with his work on me. Coffee, which happens to be my best friend since I had logic, failed to cheer me up. Mark has been keeping me calm. Even travelling which is my passion failed to put the sparks between my shoes. Oh I need something, beer? Nah.
I want to pause for a while. I want to take my life back. I want to get to a place where no one can reach me. I wanted to see myself again with myself, does that make any sense?
Like this area in Hwaseong, South Korea. Inside the Shrine of Our Lady of the Holy Rosary of Namyang, at this particular spot. I went here all alone on my 9th day of vacation. I remember the solemnity of the place. I was basking in the thin rays of the sun like it was the only comfort I need with the cold temperature. I was there looking at the path wondering what’s on the other end. What will happen in my life pretty soon, on that other side. I felt at peace at that moment. I want to stay there forever, forgetting everything I have.
But my Saviour knows how to handle what I’m feeling right now. I was so stupid to not even think about it. I don’t need a cold, quiet place. I don’t need an awesome place to curl myself up hoping these feelings will step aside. As soon as I uttered His name, He sent me this for me to read and in a matter of seconds, I smiled. These words are enough to make me feel better. Oh God I feel better now.
