“The Time of Your Life”

In a landmark case, the estate of Mr. Ronald Dodgson is suing the estate of Andy Warhol on the grounds that Mr. Dodgson did not receive his 15 minutes of fame before he passed away.

“It’s an outrage,” exclaimed the Dodgson estate’s lawyer, Paul Nyquist, during his press conference to a barely filled conference room at Anaheim’s Ramada Inn. “Ronald Dodgson wanted nothing but to be recognized on a worldwide scale and, whether he did anything remarkable in his life (which, notably, he did not), he deserves those precious 15 minutes, just the same as Bobby Flay or that Courtney Lohan woman.”

In his own press conference, the lawyer for Warhol’s estate articulated that the artist intended his comment as a wry observation on media publicity in the late 20th century, not as a guarantee of fame. He also indicated that Mr. Warhol did not wear a wig and that name-calling was unnecessary, apparently in reference to previous correspondence from Nyquist.

When Nyquist was asked what kind of settlement the Dodgson estate was seeking, he replied that the Warhol estate merely needed to provide his deceased client with his additional 12 minutes of fame, however they saw fit.
“We’re basically giving them carte blanche in their handling of this,” Nyquist said. “We’ll take anything except those ugly ‘Lipstick’ paintings Warhol was always doing. I don’t think Mr. Dodgson would’ve wanted that.”

When asked about why his client was only requesting 12 minutes instead of 15, he calmly responded that Mr. Dodgson already had three minutes of fame.

Apparently in 1967, Mr. Dodgson stood in a grocery store line behind singer Lena Horne’s business manager, John Hammond, while Hammond was in a heated debate with the checker over the price of a pack of spearmint gum.
“It was a moment he’d never forget,” Nyquist said. “He milked that story for all it was worth, telling everyone he met and repeating it at all family gatherings.” Indeed the story was told once again by a speaker at Mr. Dodgson’s funeral. And then again 10 minutes later.
Nyquist quipped, “We are fully satisfied with those 3 minutes.”

The lawyer also answered queries regarding his current suit against Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Nyquist asserted both actors have been hoarding thousands of 15-minute segments of other people’s fame and using them for their own celebrity status.

“It’s unfair and un-American!” the lawyer said before posing for the only newspaper photographer who’d shown up.

The Dodgson case will go to court this August.