Don’t Fart While Meditating
(and Other Life Advice for Your 20s)
What if you could go back in time and do it all over again? We’ve all asked the question, some more than others. If only you could go back to when you were 19 and the world was young. What would you tell yourself? And no buying particular stocks, sports almanacs, or stopping certain movies from being made, we’re talking about practical measures others could use now. What follows is what I wished I had known in college and practiced throughout my 20s. This advice might seem unnecessary and rambling but so is life for most people.
First, for the many of you who will drink in college, frequent your neighborhood bar after graduation, and network at corporate happy hours, prepare to waste a lot of money. As a former bartender in Washington, D.C. I can tell you that the $11 to $16 drinks you just bought are not worth it. Let those with too much money support the history majors like me. You on the other hand should buy a flask and stock it with mid-shelf liquor. You’ll save 70% per drink over the decade and that’s a conservative estimate.
Here’s what you do with all that saved money: open a robo-investor account on a platform like Wealthfront. The point is with your thousands of dollars saved every year you automatically invest them in a diversified portfolio of assets that rebalances itself every year and consists mainly of low cost index funds. Through the magic of compound interest and automation by the time you’re 30 you’ll have enough to open up a small business, have a down payment on a house, or more likely liberate yourself from the crushing burden of student debt. And one more thing I’d wish I’d known about drinking: a night of glory is not worth a day of misery (mostly).
As for the history majors and those like us, the ivory tower should warn and prepare students. By all means study what you’re passionate about because it will make life more satisfying but have a back up plan to make money. It should be commonplace to combine the liberal arts with vocational training. The two are not mutually exclusive and we all have to join the real world eventually. For myself I’d have gotten trained as a tour guide and bartender in freshman year. They are lucrative side hustles with flexible schedules. A history degree should be combined with a teaching certification. Or similar degrees should at least leave you with the skills of how to write a book, screenplay, or how to create a podcast. That being said, college is not for everyone and with a good internet connection and a little money you can get a world class education for free (almost).
Another lesson I would send back in time via DeLorean would be online courses and audiobooks. They’ve changed my life and the quality of my day to day experience for the better. Every time I had a less than talented professor for the Civil War or public policy I would have downloaded the free equivalent courses from Yale or MIT. Imagine how much better you’ll do in your boring classes when tutored by world leading experts.
Even more powerful than online courses are audiobooks. The revolution that audiobooks promise is to transform the boring parts of everyday life into useful and enjoyable time. Your commute now becomes a seminar on behavioral economics. Hate doing the dishes? Now you’re learning about the Second World War while you wash. Everything from exercise to flossing becomes opportunities to expand your knowledge and better yourself. Oh, and throw in high quality podcasts and now you’re really cooking.
To deal with the hardships in this decade of life and to improve my performance overall I would have learned mindfulness meditation. According to the Headspace website (a fantastic meditation app) “Mindfulness is the idea of learning how to be fully present and engaged in the moment, aware of your thoughts and feelings without distraction or judgement.” That’s what mindfulness is and what meditation helps promote.
There are good reasons to practice it everyday. The American Psychological Association confirmed that people who went through 6 to 8 week mindfulness meditation programs saw reductions in stress, anxiety, and depression. If those aren’t enough, these individuals also saw improvements in working memory and focus, increased emotional regulation, and increase in immune functioning. I have experienced these results myself. If, like a modern Jedi Knight, you want to learn this meditation skill there are plenty of online courses, audiobooks, and highly useful apps at your fingertips. Oh and while sitting in one place while breathing deeply with heightened senses: don’t fart.
All of these skills and knowledge will help you through your roaring twenties. But remember that they will roar by and you will not get another chance. The real question is how best to spend your days and where do you want to go? The most important lesson is that there are no do overs in this world. Lucky for you others have tread the path ahead of you and can act as guides. If you find a better path then by all means take it. Just keep in mind, to paraphrase Heraclitus, that you never step into the same river twice. You will never be here again.
