Mar 8, 2021
II. Dance as a Moment in Time
After the competition following my trip to Asia, I worked on gaining back my dance technique at home. In less than a month after the competition, my dance teacher requested I take photos to submit to a dance photo contest.
Particularly, this photo made me doubt multiple times about possible improvement and my status in dance.
I looked at this photo thinking I’M RUINED. THERE IS NO HOPE. I’M TERRIBLE. The belief that I can not dance started growing larger in my head.
Just like when I viewed dance videos, every time I saw a photo, I would think I can do better. So seeing a photo of what is far from better and instead worse than before was detrimental on my self evaluation. I had an understanding of what I danced like and that impression of myself was interrupted by a photo of present reality.
Comparing myself to my past self worsened this idea that I can no longer dance. Hopes for improvement were crushed because of how I viewed my photos. I still saw photos and vides as a definition of self. As a result, my thought process seeded a tendancy to give up rather than motivate me forward.
…
My relationship with photos and videos has since changed. I see them as points of progression.
I suppose I’ve become more resilient to seeing bad dance photos and videos of myself. I’ve come to a point where I understand that photos and videos simply document myself in a specific moment of time.
A snippet from a recent dance work at the studio. A video taken as I was learning the dance.
Photos and videos are existant for me to see how to improve or to give me a reference point of my current status. There’s no need to hide the poorly done areas, I will strive for a better next moment of time and if it isn’t better, I shall just try again. There is no need to be shameful of a bad practice or performance video. Focus should be on staying present in each new moment of time rather than grip on to one performance from prior.
It’s important that I lower the stakes of someone seeing a poor photo or video of my performance. I am not defined by what is captured on camera or film — photos and videos do not illustrate me as a whole.
There will be good and bad days — they will not all be good. I can’t let myself solely be carried by the good days, or let the bad days define me completely. I must understand that it is truly a progression.
