The agonising truth of children who are picked last for school sports
How negative experiences as children can haunt us as adults
Do you remember the kid at school who was always picked last for team sports? The child whose face was a magnet for footballs and would manage to get knocked out while standing on the side of the pitch. The kid who was the very last to stagger across the finish line when cross country running. The one that did everything they could to avoid sports and the humiliation of tripping over their own feet in front of their peers.
I was that child.
I was not picked last because I was unpopular, rather because I was spectacularly inept at every schoolboy sport. And for the longest time, I believed that was my lot; sports were something other people did.
I should interject that it wasn’t all doom and gloom. My family has an obsession with motorsport, and I was lucky enough to race go-karts from 7 to 18, and I was pretty good! No Lewis Hamilton for sure, but not the shambolic mess you would have found in the school sports hall.
The challenge with sports like go-karting is that while they require precision, stamina, and strength, they require minimal cardiovascular effort. In short, it’s possible to be quite unfit and yet competitive at club level motorsport. (I should stress that this, of course, isn’t true of professional-level motorsport, where drivers are some of the most dedicated athletes on the planet.)
My childhood lack of athleticism ruined my relationship with physical exercise. As an adult, I still lack confidence in my sporting ability. Now at thirty-two years old, I’m determined to change.
My torrid experience during school PE classes led to me avoiding physical activity throughout my school career. I became an expert at dodging exercise, and my teachers — who I think pitied me — turned a blind eye.
In some ways, my coping strategy worked well. By focusing heavily on more academic pursuits, I was able to master other talents. My favourite get-out-of-PE tactic was to hide in my school’s IT lab. Working away on computer projects whilst the other children suffered through an hour of hockey or some other miserable activity made complete sense to 14-year-old me. I’ve gone on to run my own companies and have designed and developed software for more than a decade now; it’s a career I love.
My lack of enthusiasm for sport followed me to university. I eschewed sports teams and clubs in favour of pastimes I was much better suited too. Namely drinking too much and being chased by campus security. Whilst university was riotous fun, a diet of midnight Subway sandwiches washed down with copious alcohol meant I started to gain weight. My waistline continued to expand when I left university until I stepped on the scales at 26 years old and realised I had ballooned to almost 16 stone (224 pounds or 100 kg). Meaning at all of 5 foot 9 inches (175 cm) tall I was clinically obese and the extra weight, along with a lousy diet, gave me chronic heartburn.
I know many people suffer through far more significant obesity challenges, but for me, this was the turning point. I needed to change and what followed was a 6-year battle to adjust my eating habits and change my relationship with exercise.
I know I’m not alone in this struggle. A recent study published in the American College of Sports Medicine journal shows there is a distinct correlation between negative sporting experiences as a child and sedentary behaviour as an adult.
Diagnosing the causes of my lack of sporting ability
After much reflection, I believe many of my challenges as a child came from the simple fact that I was slow to develop. Quite a bit shorter than most of the other boys in my year, my nickname name was “Little Matt”… basketball point-guard I was not! When a child is physically disadvantaged compared to their peers, it’s hard to find competitive sports enjoyable. And most of the physical activity at my school was based around competitive team field sports.
My PE teachers would deride me in school reports as lazy. Suppose you are repeatedly told you are rubbish at something and you confirm that point of view by performing “badly”. You start to say to yourself that you are incapable. Once you believe you are not able to do something, the destructive cycle of negative energy is self-fulfilling.
Being physically disadvantaged and not encouraged by teachers or peers was compounded by the fact that I found most exercise painfully uncomfortable. For years, I thought I was soft and that others were made of sterner stuff. In my twenties, I discovered I suffer from fallen arches or flat feet which causes over-pronation leading to pain in my ankles, knees and lower back. Flat-footedness is incredibly easy to fix, with the right insoles in your shoes. I discovered this so late that years of trying to exercise on my dodgy feet has caused permanent ligament damage. A considerable effort from my podiatrist, physiotherapy and decent insoles means I now rarely suffer from pain when walking. Running and other high impact activities are still pretty painful.
Forming a better relationship with physical activity
Whilst my issues as a child have affected me for a long time, I am determined to change my relationship with exercise and sport. I refuse to have my future determined by the limitations of my past. Now in my early thirties, I understand that being fit and healthy is a prerequisite for a long and happy life. It’s taken more than a few epiphanies and plenty of time to get to that point.
I want to be a better version of my self. I want a positive relationship with sport and exercise, and I want to change my own perception of what I’m capable of. Writing this article, and creating the Picked Last publication, is the first of many steps on this road. It is frightening and intimidating to open up about my weakness, which is why I want to do it. I want to tackle my fears head-on.
I have already started on this journey. I began, with a lot of support from my amazing wife, Helen, by improving my eating habits. The Subway sandwiches are gone, and alcohol is an occasional treat, not a social crutch. Those changes alone saw me lose three stone over four years.
The most significant changes, however, came when a good friend invited Helen and me to hike the trail to Everest Basecamp with her. A 130km trek through the foothills of the Himalaya. Bearing in mind that walking to the shops was a hassle that I could rarely be bothered with, this would seem like a fairly lofty goal. However, I’m stubborn and a little stupid, so we agreed to the trip.
This forced me to seek help with my feet, getting the physiotherapy I needed to make hiking comfortable. Living in Scotland, we’re blessed with an incredible playground of wilderness to explore in. Walking the hills and mountains of the Scottish Highlands with my friends, I started to actually enjoy myself!
When the time came to start our trek in Nepal, we’d completed around 700km of training hikes, and I was more than fit enough to finish the tour. When we arrived back in Kathmandu after completing our mission, I felt a rush of elation. I had actually completed a physical challenge! And I had not been the weakling hanging off the back of the group, I could barely believe it.
Overcoming my fears
When we returned to Scotland, a fire had been lit.I wanted to see how far I could take my newfound appreciation of exercise. For a time, I tried running, but I still find that to be too painful to be enjoyable, so I have started cycling regularly. In particular, I have fallen in love with mountain biking! I never thought I’d say this, but I actually enjoy the feeling of burning legs and lungs as I haul myself and my bike up a technical climb. There is no more incredible feeling than the adrenaline rush that comes from tearing down a descent. (In my head it’s tearing, I’m sure in reality it’s more of a timid crawl.)
I’ve dabbled with mountain biking as a teenager and an adult. Still, cycling always has been more of a Sunday jaunt than anything more serious. Now I want to see how far I can push myself.
I enjoy my time on the bike, but I still doubt my abilities and the thought of competition is nothing short of terrifying. There are still plenty of fears for me to overcome. Which is why I decided to start publishing Picked Last.
I want to know what a playground reject is truly capable of and I’d love if you would join me in finding out.
If you enjoyed this article, be sure to ❤︎ it below and stay in touch by following me on Instagram or Strava.
Were you also someone who was picked last at school? Can you relate to my story? I’d love to know how your experiences affected you and how you feel now as a grown-up. Please let me know in the comments.
