A Day In The Life Of An Adult Woman Who Is Obsessed With Jurassic Park
6:30 AM: I awake to the peaceful sound of the Jurassic Park theme song by John Williams. I try to fall back asleep because I was dreaming of Jeff Goldblum in his sexy black jacket and gorgeous furrowed-brows. God, I love his chest.
7:12 AM: While looking for something to wear to work, I get distracted and try on my inflatable T-Rex costume for funsies.
7:47 AM: Morning traffic sucks. I check my side mirror and see a giant gray truck directly behind me. This is a great opportunity to pretend the big truck is a dinosaur, which results in me making record time for my commute.
9:05 AM: I add another tasteful brontosaurus figurine to the decorative bookshelf in my office. Note to self: go back to Walmart this evening and see if they have any others.
12:35 PM: Lunch is finally here. I eat my bowl of green Jell-O and stare intensely at the wall directly behind my rude coworker, Ben. He slowly looks over his shoulder. God, I have amazing acting skills. Jeff Goldblum would be impressed.
3:35 PM: I attend a long and boring meeting to go over sales updates. My boss asks me what my secret is to consistently hitting my monthly goals. I whisper, “I’ll show you” in my best John Hammond impression.
5:19 PM: Of course I stop by Walmart on my way home from work. After a quick moment of contemplation, I buy the classy-looking stegosaurus figurine and convince myself not to buy the tyrannosaurus rex or the triceratops in an effort to save money.
5:20 PM: That is incredibly ridiculous, I’m buying them all.
5:44 PM: I arrive home just in time to see my husband cooking a delicious-looking pasta dish. I loudly gasp and slowly take off my sunglasses a la Alan Grant style. This is the same sunglasses move I promised myself I would do anytime anything cool happens for the rest of forever.
7:02 PM: Woops! I accidentally called my husband “Jeff”. He doesn’t get mad, though. He gets it. Jeff Goldblum is the shit.
8:17 PM: I take part in a heated family discussion on the rankings of the Jurassic Park movies, which all started because nobody could agree on which Jurassic movie to watch. Obviously, it goes: 1) Jurassic Park, 2) Jurassic World, 3) The Lost World: Jurassic Park, and then 4) Jurassic Park III.
8:18 PM: O.M.G! I just realized that the new Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom will soon be released, and Chris Pratt is almost as amazing as Jeff Goldblum.
10:39 PM: I try on my inflatable T-Rex costume and give my husband a black leather jacket and button up shirt. Ask my husband if he is into it.
10:40 PM: He is!!!
