Actual Quotes From Resourceful Sea Turtle Who Stumbled Upon Yet Another Walgreen’s Plastic Bag
“Wow, how lucky am I! This Walgreen’s plastic bag makes shopping for algae and shrimps MUCH easier.”
“We can also use this to hide from tiger sharks. Can confirm, definitely effective.”
“Oh! This can also be used as a necklace! Best day ever!”
“Ugh, now it’s stuck around my neck.”
“Whatever! Marine Life magazine says plastic is the new green!”
“Actually, this can totally be used as a diaper for the children, duh.”
“Except I still can’t get this thing off.”
“Eh, maybe I’ll just use this as a permanent backpack or something?”
“Or or or! I could use this as a superhero cape, and wear it when I save all the sea otters from the oil spills!”
“Wait…is this a snack? This looks like a snack.”
“You know, this is just perfect timing. We really needed to upgrade the swings in our playground.”
“Maybe if I turn my head this way…no…no…still on there.”
“Wait! Let’s create a maze of plastic bags! As soon as you escape the plastic bag maze, there are new plastic bags. If lost, shake plastic bag as SOS signal.”
“Honestly, this is just the perfect coffin for my husband Franklin, who died by eating too much plastic. Seriously, THANK YOU KIND HUMAN!”
