An Art Critic Reviews Playground Sculptures

Turtle

When one first encounters “Turtle,” one has little choice but to harken aback to Dante, who mused that “the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” This cheery-mouthed diapsid, stationed placidly amid a post-9/11 world, appears to be carved from roots of monosyllabic indifference, boggling the mind with its stoic, hallow monochrome. Its very existence this critic finds a nuisance to the intellect, not unlike the existence of little Andrew White, who happens to be climbing upon the sculpture rather brazenly and loudly suggesting rude things about this critic’s weight that are patently untrue.

‘Tree’

At the turn of the century, Kilmer begrudged that “Only God can make a tree.” Unfortunately, Miller-Melberg’s misguided “Tree” proves the poet quite accurate, at least in the metaphorical sense. Much like “Turtle,” there is an empty sort of arrogance to the piece, an arrogance similar to the one belonging to Andrew (who appears to be under the impression he “owns” this part of the playground), and just as unquestionably misplaced. Neither reserves the right to bombard the world with their dull premonitions en masse, just as neither has the right to declare this critic “a big dummy.”

Porpoise

The dark sensuality of the cement “Porpoise” is not lost on the viewer, though some viewers, such as this critic, tend to see better when their expensive prescription glasses are not stolen by young future criminals like Andrew. Regardless, the mingling of both grace and solidity in “Porpoise” leads the viewer to a morbid awareness of the duality of spirit and flesh; yet, one cannot help but wonder whether Andrew knows I’m not afraid to tell on him? Because I’m not and, if he doesn’t cut it out and give me my glasses back, I will.

‘Swiss Cheese’ Structure

Andrew has hit me. He was running around me in a circle and then he hit me very hard in the stomach. I’m looking around for a parent but I don’t see one anywhere and it really hurt when he hit me, despite claims that “it wasn’t even that hard.” I’m going home now, but not because of Andrew, it’s just because I’m tired. He is going to be in a lot of trouble and he knows it, an awareness that Melberg clearly lacked when he fashioned the “Swiss Cheese” structure, which, by all accounts, brings new meaning to the word “pedantic.”