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And All That Rot

Doug Vidlas
Jun 13 · 2 min read

Decomposition is the ultimate release.

When you reach a ripe, old age, your peel turns black and starts to rot off. No, sorry, that’s a banana I was talking about.

People do sometimes say that someone has attained a ripe old age. But just so you know, ripening is the first stage along the road to decomposition.

Once upon a time everyone rotted and became smelly when dead, just like a rotten piece of fruit. Our friends and family would then throw us in the ground, boxed or not. That is, unless they did something beneficial for the planet by burning our carcass and not taking up cemetery space.

Nowadays, we have upped our intake of food preservatives to forestall body rot, though oddly enough these chemicals are not effective at eliminating tooth decay, unfortunately.

Why should we be so opposed to rotting? It’s basically what happens to our food when we digest it. Digestion is actually an accelerated version of decomposition.

And as far as the odor goes, putrid or rotten is simply one of the seven primary odors, along with musky, pungent, camphoraceous (like mothballs), ethereal (like dry cleaning fluid), floral, and pepperminty. In other words, rotten is a fundamental smell.

What’s the best color for fruit to turn before it rots and we throw it out? Black? Blue? Red? Green? Gray? White? Just in case, there’s nothing racist about the color of rotting material, is there?

Where do morticians go when they die? That’s their decision, in my opinion. My concern with dying is that a lot of people don’t do it correctly. We don’t make the occasion joyful enough. We don’t educate ourselves enough about how it goes when we die. We don’t spend enough time watching real people die. We have too many religious observances, laws, and hang-ups about death. We should applaud putrefaction, not shun it.

I present the following positive example: “Hey, dead relative so-and-so just finished his rot in the ground. Hurray, let’s celebrate life, before it’s our turn to do the same!” Embalming and funeral home viewings are for sissies. Let’s all “go out” au naturel. Natural burial and composted remains are available in some localities.

So, in this same vein, the only way I’ll ever have a beach body would be if my surviving family members bury my rotting cadaver in the sand.

Pickle Fork

Letting creative juices flow.

Doug Vidlas

Written by

Word slinger and notorious poet. Ex stand-up. Polyglot. Technologist. Non-conformist.

Pickle Fork

Letting creative juices flow.