Can you predict everything anyone will ever say to you?

I always found conversation difficult.

Two reasons :

1. I can’t maintain a pretend level of interest for longer than one second.
2. I can’t break my habit of telling the truth, which seems to be social suicide.

I needed to find a way round this.

I needed a plan for when dialogue fails.

If I didn’t speak then would I actually be lying?

Without speech, I could pretend interest for much longer by just nodding and occasionally moving my eyebrows up and down randomly.

The Plan

I got some carded paper and I wrote down a response to everything anyone could possibly say to me.

I wrote it on a few cards small enough to fit in a pocket.

I figure I could keep different cards in different pockets so I could communicate quickly.

I would never have to talk again.

I had my cards at the ready.

Yes — No. — . Don’t know — Nothing

None of your business. — What do you think?

How are you? — No reason — Because — mmm —

Ha-Ha — Funny — -Go away — Fine

I like frogs

You know what question the first person I saw asked me?

What’s that in your hair?

I lifted my hand up and pulled out a piece of cheese.

My card was at the ready.

What do you think?

It looks like cheese.

Yes.

How on earth did you end up with a piece of cheese in your hair?

I moved both of my eyebrows up showing my empathy.

None of your business

You’re a strange one.

I like frogs.

The system works.

Tim Willow

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