Linnea Cooley
Jul 28 · 2 min read
Original images credited to Brunel Johnson on Unsplash, Kaboompics .com from Pexels, and Vaping360 | Flickr/CC BY-SA 2.0

Earlier this weekend, you were at your friend Kevin’s house when you witnessed a strange sight, an elderly man in the corner of Kevin’s kitchen engulfed in a cloud of fruity smoke. You were like, “Hey Kevin, is that old man puffing on a Juul? And Kevin was like “Oh yeah, that’s my Grandpa.”

Woah. Is it just me, or is Kevin’s Grandpa totally cool? This was your first introduction to Kevin’s Grandpa, but it was immediately clear that he dunks on all other Grandpas.

Your Grandpa, for example, is totally dull. He spends his evenings playing bingo and watching Jeopardy reruns with your Grandma. Boring! But Kevin’s Grandpa doesn’t bother with old people stuff like that. Instead, he spends his free time ripping his Juul and harassing celebrities on twitter. He even let you follow him on Tik Tok!

Unlike most old people, Kevin’s Grandpa is totally hip to Gen Z culture. When you visit your Grandpa, he always blabs on and on about Marlon Brando and Judy Garland. Who the heck even are those people? But Kevin’s Grandpa, on the other hand, knows all about Halsey and James Charles. He even has opinions on Chrissy Teigen!

Despite turning eighty-one this spring, Kevin’s Grandpa has still managed to master teenage slang. At Kevin’s Birthday Party when Kevin was complaining about the heat, his Grandpa was all like, “Stop being extra, or I’ll yeet you out of this house so that I can vape in peace,” and everyone was like “Wow, your Grandpa totally came for you, Kevin.”

Then, Kevin’s mom was all like, “Dad are you serious? It’s your Grandson’s birthday, can’t you be appropriate for once?” and Kevin’s Grandpa was all like “Stop being a Narc, Lindsay.”

Family dynamics aside, It’s undeniable that Kevin’s Grandpa is the coolest old person you’ve ever met. Hopefully, you’ll be even half as cool as him when you reach his age!

Pickle Fork

Letting creative juices flow.

Linnea Cooley

Written by

Linnea Cooley is an undergraduate writer at the University of Maryland. Follow her on twitter @linnea_cooley or visit her website

Pickle Fork

Letting creative juices flow.

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