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Pickle Fork

Cute Kitteh Stories? Me? Not Likely…

I’d never stoop to such obvious click-bait — oh, alright, maybe this once…

Photo by Jonathan Fink on Unsplash

We all know dogs have owners. And dogs are our best friends, right?

It’s a little-known fact, though, at least outside of “cat people” circles, that while “man” domesticated the dog (“man” in the generic, humankind definition of “man”, and actually it was probably a woman…), it was really the cat who domesticated us. And likely a female cat, at that.

Cats were the first, truly visionary entrepreneurs

“Cat” saw us by the fire, training the dog, feeding the dog, and immediately grasped the big picture. They examined the situation and imagined a future. They envisioned a need they could meet, created a process, and immediately interpreted it into action.

Their action plan probably went something like this:

  • Humans have dogs. (Oh, well, we can’t all be perfect.) Dogs will help them hunt; scare away smaller predators (Bonus) and be man’s “bestie” (Yawn)
  • Humans do not have us. They need us — why? We are ruthless predators of vermin. (And how is this useful?) Humans don’t like vermin — vermin soil the food and bite the small humans while they’re sleeping. (Aha — we can protect their food-stores and the small, sleeping humans. Good. What else?)
  • Humans have a deep need to share. (They are only beginning to explore their potential for this with “dog”, but there is so much more they can learn.) By equating food with the pleasure it brings us and the rewards we then bestow upon them, humans can quickly and easily be trained to deliver food on demand. (Awesome.)
  • Humans need to be amused. (Again, they are as yet only vaguely aware of this, as they are currently in survival mode.) But what human could resist our tiny, fluffy offsprings’ adorable ways? (Note — revisit this potential as their capacity to broaden our circle of influence develops.)
  • Humans need to serve a higher calling. (They don’t know this yet, but we shall teach them.) The impact of the life-enhancing enrichment we offer cannot be underestimated, and tending our needs will encourage a more positive outlook. But when we purr and twine about their legs and drape ourselves across them, encouraging them with our irresistible magnetism, they will realize how rewarding it is to worship a superior being. They will feel the ultimate peace which comes with surrender. (Warm fuzzies — never underestimate the power of warm fuzzies.)

The Ancient Egyptians were one of the first civilizations to grasp the mystery and glory that is “cat.” They understood and accepted the truth of the matter — and they worshipped “Cat” as “Bastet”, daughter of the sun god Ra.

Einsamer Schütze CC BY-SA 3.0 from Wikimedia Commons

Cats have long understood the Great Truths of Life

Great truths which many of our finest minds are only beginning to grasp and exploit. Among other life-lessons, Tim Ferris explains how mastery of time-management skills leads to success. Seth Godin is a fountain of information about the finer points of marketing and how to effectively spread your ideas. When hiring, Jeff Bezos seeks candidates who will positively influence the people they work with and bring new strength to the company.

All for success and the betterment of humanity.

These are all lessons learned from cats. Cats freely and generously shared their great wisdom with humanity, and some of us have learned well. Indeed, some have profited from these lessons.

And cats continue to find new ways to improve our lives by lending their support to our creative outlet of making cute kitteh videos. But the benefit does not stop with the initial creative effort though, for these videos are widely circulated to and enjoyed by an ever-expanding circle of cute kitteh fans. (Premium customer engagement.)

How’s that for effective marketing and product management?

And all those Tedtalks and interviews with captains of industry and productivity gurus? Puh-leeze. Cats already have this one in the bag.

Absolute masters of time-management, (take note, Tim Ferriss) cats are stellar exemplars of the eighty-twenty rule. They spend eighty percent of their day cat-napping. They then divide their waking hours. the twenty percent that gives them eighty percent of their pay-off, between eating, grooming, and amusing their staff.

Success through working long hours? Meh! Eat your heart out, Elon Musk.




Letting creative juices flow.

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Elle Fredine

Elle Fredine

West-Coaster, born and bred; Weekly Tales in fiction, dark/horror/fantasy, poetry, humor, feminism, writing, relationships, and love

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