Halloween Horror At Your Door

Christyl Rivers, Phd.
Oct 20 · 3 min read

It’s Halloween, camp kiddies, get ready to scream

Vampires should be more sexy than scary, Christyl Rivers

Time for haunted dolls, vampires, big orange pumpkin heads, Ghouli-ani, thrills, chills, and blood spills.

What scares you most?

It should be the end of the world we are experiencing that scares you most, but that gets so old and boring so very fast. What about political betrayal, fail, leaders getting out on bail, or international blackmail, another dead whale, an unfair tariff sale, or an old wives tale told by an idiot?

At the end you learn the maniac is in the white house!! Get out!

A lot of people think vampires are losing their cool. Traditional vampires, sexy dressers, usually very rich, always classy, and too vain to reflect upon themselves, are still among us, but laying low due to their foreign accents.

Even Joe Biden is scaring people to death and he doesn’t even hug much anymore.

Political vampires today, especially the ones working to terrorize migrants or betray constitutions, are losing their cache with the general public. More people than ever before approve of a full impalement procedure.

There is nothing more horrifying than a blood sucking parasite on the loose that doesn’t look at all like Justin Trudeau. Neither do our modern political vampires look even as appealing as Tom Cruise in full Scientology rant, or Brad Pitt when he was being unkind to Angelina Jolie. Both these guys played vampires in that Interview with a Vampire movie, but my dreams about them at the time were always just about how frilly and chic their outfits were. Not too scary, except maybe to closeted homophobes who can’t handle that level of style.

A word about Jack O Lanterns

Pumpkins come and go with their trendy pumpkin spice flavors in everything from lattes to Cereal, to deodorant. Some people have reported pumpkin spice Spam. Most pumpkin spice is wholly artificial now and goes into cookies, cakes and candy. What should really frighten us is that those sugar addicted children will be surging with energy this Halloween, and probably throwing eggs all over your home.

People forget that these gourds used to be excess harvest mulch with simple carved grins. Now, you must get your pumpkin to depict Michelangelo’s David, Notre Dame Cathedral, or Martha Stewart worthy décor of such sophistication that we collectively shudder at our sorry inadequacy.

And, then of course there is the MAGA Great Pumpkin. Every year he rises out of the bumpkin patches of America in towering letters on yard signs. Scary.

Begging for treats

Trick or treating used to be fun. But then we all got too tall to blackmail for candy among our neighbors. Even worse, the older we get the more sexy your Halloween costume is expected to be. Sexy nurse, sexy vampire, sexy ghost, sexy dentist, sexy plumber, sexy tax collector, sexy Harambe the gorilla, sexy lamp, sexy crayon.

Then, it got weird. We are invited to be sexy food: Sexy pizza, sexy corn, sexy hamburger. Are we really so addicted to eating junk that we have become too lazy to be addicted to sexy sex?

I guess I will stick with sexy farmer, at least you don’t have to show any skin.

The unknown is the most frightening thing there is

Here are some tension creeping things that are the scariest of all:

  • What happens when we run out of water?
    -Who took my pot plant and why?
    -Where will the next mass shooting occur?
    -What is that Hereditary movie trying to tell us?
    -Also, Midsomer, why is Sweden threatening us with pigtails and belonging?
    — What happens to the world in 2020 if the worst occurs?
    -What IS the worst, we don’t even know?!
    -How many more superhero moves can we really handle?
    -Can we get ever rid of those aforementioned vampires?
    -How much pumpkin spice will it take to kill us all?

Pickle Fork

Letting creative juices flow.

Christyl Rivers, Phd.

Written by

Writer, Defender of the three dimensional, and Cat Castle Custodian.

Pickle Fork

Letting creative juices flow.

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