Haute Mess
Jul 17 · 3 min read

Is there a standing ovation option?

Photo by Amaury Gutierrez on Unsplash

I’ve noticed a trend in clapping on my articles. That trend is that there are none.

I don’t get it.

I wrote about Lizard people…twice…I’ve written about CANCER. I thought cancer for sure would get a clap or you know a pity clap. Now I’ve resorted to the desperate panacea writing about Medium.

If you are new to medium or have yet to write that break out story, the best advice I could give you is to write on Medium about Medium.

It’s kind of like building a hotel and employing all of your guests to work there.

But I’m here to talk about claps and make a few suggestions to Medium moving forward. I feel like if we (the readers) had a few more choices to express our favor OR disdain we (the authors) could better know when we should or shouldn’t quit our day job (or in my case, go and beg for my day job back).

A Negative Clap Option-

What if we could get the claps to go other way? Somewhere between “Boooo” and leaving a brown bag filled with crap on fire anonymously on the porch is the negative clap. Instead of just saying “This article smells like old man dingle sticks” you politely say bravo backwards.

A Zero Fucks Option-

I would suggest instead of the hand clapping icon, this one has the face of Erika Girardi, the electronica singing hot wife from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. How much don’t you care? 5 Erika Girardi’s? 10 Erika Girardi’s? Cause right now a no clap is like a blank check in reverse.

Give It Up Claps —

This isn’t like when a popular comedian walks out and the MC shouts “Give it for this guy!” and everyone cheers. No, this is a direct order that you should give “it” -your hobby, career, aspiration-up as a writer altogether.

Surely, I can’t be the only one second guessing the meaning of the smack-olades showing up on my side bar. If zero claps is likened unto zero fucks, that sounds like a best case scenario.

On the other hand, sometimes I do get one or two claps which feels innately terrible. Somehow it just makes me think of when Roseanne Barr sang the National anthem. People were pretty angry cause she slaughtered it, but for every fifty people that seemed appalled there was one saying “I thought she did okay”. Those people were lying.

Perhaps fifty is too few to ration out to readers and so they feel shy about dishing them out. If we had a thousand than I feel like readers might come out of the clap closet and feel comfortable throwing out a few more scraps for novice writers or those of us that haven’t dissected Medium’s algorithm to a liquid and are taking shot after shot of it like it’s German Moonshine during Armageddon.

Right now people are treating claps like “the clap”. I, personally, let my claps flow like I’m in the paid audience for an infomercial on zit cream. I’m just excited to see it really works!

Pickle Fork

Letting creative juices flow.

Haute Mess

Written by

Living the dreammare. Editor @ www.DIYrrhea.com and www.realfakepersonals.com

Pickle Fork

Letting creative juices flow.

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