Local Woman Has Nothing to Write About

At 10:00 a.m. local time, a female writer was observed to be in her pajamas, typing away at a laptop. Then she stopped, and loudly sighed.

“I wrote a few paragraphs, but I didn’t like where it was going,” she said. “I think I’m going to look through my drafts. I wasn’t interested in finishing them the last twenty times I looked at them, but this time? Oh boy.”

The local writer has hundreds of notes, but says that at the moment, none of them are striking her fancy.

“I need, like, the perfect idea. Nothing less than perfect,” she said.

She admits that she doesn’t quite understand why this isn’t easier. “Everyone said that writing was really hard, and that it takes a lot emotionally and creatively to go to the page every single day, even when it seems like nothing matters and everything I do will one day be lost in the void, but I didn’t think it would happen to me personally,” the writer added, as her cat shredded a cushion on a nearby sofa.

She contemplated other possible ideas as she gave the cat a treat, in an effort to get it to finally stop meowing. “I’ve already covered all the major events going on right now. Maybe I’ll finally write that article about where I think all the missing socks go.”

The writer also explored options beyond articles. “There’s that novel I’m working on. It has a strong female protagonist, who has to choose between two guys. The first one, she initially distrusts, but it turns out he has a heart of gold. The other seems like a sure bet at first, but it turns out he’s no good. It’s a really original idea, something no one’s ever done before.”

She acknowledged there were some projects that would likely not see the light of day. “The rock opera, yeah, that’s stalled because I can’t sing or play any musical instruments. And freelancing? I got into writing to not have to deal with people, thank you very much.”

The writer acknowledged that maybe it was time to take a break. “I could probably throw on some pants and go outside and talk to people, but that takes so much effort.”

At press time, the woman was looking at random web sites “for inspiration.”