My Allbirds Were so Comfortable that I Slipped into an Endless Slumber
Like all Silicon Valley techies, I love optimizing my daily life with new products. I track every waking second of my day on Google calendar and my veins run with Soylent instead of blood. So when I heard about the new “Allbirds” sneakers that were making waves in Silicon Valley, I knew that I had to give them a try.
Billed as “the world’s most comfortable shoe”, Allbirds promised to be a versatile sneaker that would take me from the office to the gym. Eager to optimize the last un-optimized aspect of my life, I bought a pair of Natural White Wool Runners from the Allbirds website and patiently waited for my package to come. Finally, on a Saturday morning, my new shoes arrived!
As I slipped my new Allbirds onto my feet, I was engulfed by an overwhelming wave of bliss. My feet felt like they were being nuzzled by angels while resting on a heavenly cloud! The advertisements were right, these really were the world’s most comfortable shoes. As I sat and admired my Allbirds, I had a giddy feeling that I would never ever take them off. (Little did I know!)
Since it was a Saturday, I decided to start my morning by working on my new app at Starbucks. As I worked, my feet felt as if they were resting on two fluffy puppies. My Allbirds were so comfortable that I easily could have been sitting in a luxury Parisian spa, but no, I was actually sitting in a Starbucks! After working for several hours and downing several Soylent smoothies, I decided to hit up the gym for a quick 5x5 Stronglifts workout.
As I skipped down the street wearing my Allbirds, I truly felt as if I was walking on air. The soft merino wool caressed my toes and the eucalyptus tree fiber-based heel cradled the arch of my feet. It felt like a puff of warm summer wind was gently carrying me down the street.
In fact, the effect of my Allbirds was so soporific that I soon found my eyelids fluttering and my head beginning to droop. Before I knew it, I had dozed off right in the middle of the sidewalk!
I didn’t realize it at first, but my Allbirds were so comfortable that I had slipped into an endless slumber. As I stood there on the sidewalk, enveloped in sleep, pedestrians and bicyclists were forced to maneuver out of my way. Some of them screamed obscenities at me for blocking the sidewalk, but my slumber was so deep that I didn’t even hear them!
So that’s where I am now, wearing my Allbirds as I sleep standing up at the intersection of 18th St. and Hartford. Luckily, after a couple of days, a kind bodega owner leaned me up against a lamp pole so that I could continue my endless slumber without blocking traffic.
Although my new pair of Allbirds did disrupt my entire life, it is undeniable that they really are the “world’s most comfortable shoe”. Unfortunately, I cannot be woken from my endless slumber, but if I could I would definitely be buying another pair of these great sneakers!
