Never Giving Up (and It’s Not That Big a Deal)
From 2003 to about 2006, it was my obsession to get onto Newgrounds.com.
For those brought up in these post-Macromedia, pre-Youtube times, Newgrounds used to be the hottest place online for viral videos and flash animation. It’s where people such as David Firth of Salad Fingers fame and voice-actor turned artist turned putty-faced Game Grumper Egoraptor got their start, and also was squarely responsible for the rise of the Numa Numa Guy.
At the time, I was a regular of the NG BBS: the Newgrounds message board service. I would log in daily and interact with other members, cultivating an identity for myself through (what I thought at the time were) witty, clever jokes. The online moniker I used from my teenage years well into early adulthood — Shameonpretzel — was born on these boards.
Making a name for myself on the BBS was alright, but I wanted more than anything was to create something to post on the site, forever cementing myself as a flash animation artist. Lots of people were doing it at the time: from kids my age to full-blown veterans, boys to girls, beautifully rendered projects and straight-up garbage. I got it in my head that to truly establish my legacy on the site, I needed to leave my mark like so many others did before me had done. How hard could it be?
So I installed Macromedia (today Adobe) Flash and essentially gave myself 30 days (the span of the trial) to create something remarkable. What I wound up with instead: a rudimentary circular character dubbed “Grapeman” that remained static on the screen save for his mouth and disembodied circular hands that proselytized against Jar Jar Binks in a song I blatantly stole from the Internet: “Jar Jar Binks Must Die”.
But you couldn’t tell me otherwise: I was so proud of it at the time. I uploaded the file onto Newgrounds, hit submit, and waited.
“Grape Hates Jar Jar” was promptly rejected. Contrary to popular belief and the dearth of Strawberry Clock and Barney Bunch flash that permeated the site, Newgrounds did, in fact, have standards, and my flash was well below them.
That would have been the end of it had I not discovered that a) a formatted computer allows for an additional free trial, and b) Torrent sites hold a wealth of resources.
I would try several more times to get on Newgrounds. Some notable projects: I recall slaving away one Christmas break to create my magnum opus “When Michael Bolton Attacks”, another time I co-opted the aforementioned infamous Strawberry Clock in a video, lambasting the users of the site for not allowing me to break through the voting threshold within the Flash portal.
All attempts, however earnest, were in vain. They were not enough to convince people I deserved to be on the site, and were promptly rejected (or “blammed”, if you will).
Discouraged, I eventually hung up my dream of ever contributing to Newgrounds, uploaded my projects onto Deviantart, and essentially retired from the flash animation scene.
Fast-forward to early 2019. In the wake of the death of Spongebob Squarepants creator, Stephen Hillenburg, fans flock to the Internet to sign a petition demanding that the Super Bowl pay tribute. Why the Super Bowl? In season 2 episode of the show, Band Geeks, Spongebob spoofs the austere spectacle that is the Super Bowl halftime show by rocking out to the hair-rific power ballad “Sweet Victory”.
Coincidentally, I had used the song in one of my most ambitious flash projects, “Sweet Victory Grape” (it had frame-by-frame animation! And lip-syncing!) On the eve of Super Bowl Sunday, I had the bright idea to take advantage of this timely happenstance, dusted off the .swf file, and submitted it one final time for judgment.
February 3rd, 2019 marks the day that I, Sylvie Soul (formerly Shameonpretzel) finally got a project on Newgrounds.
The point of the anecodote is this: NEVER GIVE UP. Yes, I’ll admit the answer is pat, but rings very true.
Sometimes we get so bogged down in the reeds of a project, we forget to see the big picture. We’ll take every rejection personally, every failure as an absolute.
The irony is that I don’t care as much now as I would have 15 years ago to get onto Newgrounds; I was just curious to see if I could pull it off after so long, so many attempts. But maybe that’s just it: MAYBE WE NEED TO CARE LESS.
I’m internalizing this lesson as I write my first YA novel. Most likely, it’s going to get rejected more times than I’ll care to count. And in that moment I’ll probably think that I’m a hopeless writer that will never taste the joy — the “sweet victory” if you will — of becoming a traditionally published author.
At that point, I’ll need to dust myself off and look at the big picture. A no today does not mean a no tomorrow. I will publish my novel; even it never gets representation, it will be seen by the world (that’s the beauty of Kindle and e-publishing). IT’S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
So if you have something in your life you want to accomplish, stop giving so much power to whether or not it’s successful. Instead, focus on what you stand to learn and gain from the experience — good or bad, big or small. You may eventually succeed….then again you might not. What’s important is that you understand it’s not a big deal. Be thankful that you’re alive and able to learn, and you will come out a wiser person in the end.
I will never become a popular, famous flash artist. But at least I know now what it takes to make my mark on the world.
And to me, that knowledge is the sweetest victory of all.
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Sylvie Soul is a recovering fanfiction writer on the path to writing her first novel. When not deliberating over plot holes and negotiating extra-lean word counts, she hopes to use her years of experience teaching other aspiring writers to follow their dreams and pursue their writing journey. Check out Sylvie’s Twitter page or visit her website at sylviesoul.com.
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