Quiz: In Which Perfumatorium’s Boudoir Will You Entertain The Gentlemen of Belvedere Street?

Madame DeBois has arranged for you to meet a litany of gentleman callers. Where will you make their acquaintance?

Question One: It’s a stroke past midnight in the Quarter, the air just beginning to chill beneath your shawl. What flower do you want a mysterious benefactor to leave outside your bedroom window?

A: A single red rose

B: The most lush bouquet, fit for the finest madam in all of the city

C: A poem, not a garble of words, but fine verse.

Question Two: You’ve dropped your parasol while taking in the scent of a honeysuckle bush. What do you say to the widower who offers it to you?

A: Why sir, your generosity is matched only by your esteemed virtue!

B: Be gone! That is not the parasol of a lady, but of a tramp!

C: Thank you, Mr. Granger. I’m sorry about your wife.

Question Three: What beverage do you consume in the boudoir?

A: A woman does not imbibe on a social calling.

B: Cherry brandy, sipped out of a grandmother’s thimble, as it should be.

C: A puff of air, lost to the winds of time immemorial.

Question Four: Your gentleman caller places his hand upon your thigh. What do you do?

A: Inquire about his father’s factory.

B: Pretend to see a curious sort of raccoon and comment on it’s nature.

C: “Morris!”

Question Five: Your gentleman asks to call upon you again. Where do you accept his invitation?

A: A stroll on the bridge where you late mother used to walk you, hand in hand.

B: Dinner at Che Che Che LeBoixquedois, where the candles know all the secrets.

C: Under the lamplight. Shadows tell no tales.

Are you ready for your answer? You’ll see your gentleman callers…

Answer: Nowhere. You tell them to “suck your ass” because you’re getting shithoused at McFalliday’s, the only right proper pub in New Orleans for an Irish gal like yourself to rumble your jonesies and smack an orphan in the neck.