Real Life, What’s Taking You So Long to Become More Like Medium?

I mean, it’s the 21st century, Why no ‘Clap’ button in reality yet?

Dirty Harry Wizard
Jun 13 · 2 min read

Real Life, what’s with all these websites that don’t let me highlight as I read or clap for an article when I’m done? This “The New Yorker” website has some funny material but they’ll never know it because I’ve been denied the ability to show my applause.

For that matter, Real Life, how come after I spend hours at my day job reading, highlighting and clapping for Medium articles and then go out to lunch, I’m not able to highlight the funny one-liner that the waiter just said?

And why after I write an email at work is there no mechanism in my Outlook to add the requisite five tags to my draft? How am I supposed to tease the attention of the curator gods? My guess is my email won’t ever get curated. How stupid is that?

And when I drive home from work and some clown cuts me off, why can’t I unfollow his rude ass just like I unfollowed that writer yesterday that asked once too many times for claps in my Medium Facebook group?

Real Life, you have some serious catching up to do if you want to be as user-friendly as Medium. I should be able to click on the small-talker at the coffee shop’s profile so I can look at his latest articles and make quick conclusions like, “Ah this brainiac only talks about writers block and how to be an IG influencer. Unfollow.” I mean, come on, Real Life, is that too much to ask?

I’d spend more time with you if you offered me better widgets. Or at least the same widgets. Until then, it’s a Medium life for me. I’ll be sitting here happily highlighting, clapping, following and unfollowing. Let me know when you get your shit together, Real Life. Oh, and by the way, it’s best to contact me through the alerts bell on my Medium profile to be sure I see the message. I’ll be waiting.


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Dirty Harry Wizard

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Harold Magely (aka Dirty Harry Wizard) transmits 3-minute funnies from the Retro Arcade of the Insane. Keep in touch http://eepurl.com/gxctuL

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Letting creative juices flow.